I did a graduation in mechanical engineering and research on decentralised energy systems after the graduation. I was born in a village in India. My parents and ancestors are Indian origins, mother is a granddaughter of a landlord, father is a son of one of the wealthiest persons in the area, inherited millions of dollars properties from his father as houses in different cities/towns, fertile agricultural lands and other.
My parents are postgraduates and law graduates; mother is known as a perfect mother, a very progressive and thoughtful woman; father spent most of the time of his life in hundreds of villages working for poor people against exploitation. He led and participated in many local level movements. He was the first person in the region, who broke the conditioning of castes and started to eat food in the houses of financially weak untouchable castes people; participated in the movement against the emergency in India, he was around twenty years old, and I was a toddler, he was thrown into the jail for more than twelve months.
When I was about twenty-six years old, my parents had dismissed me from the ancestral property inheritance because of my social activities and the influences of my siblings and relatives.
Terrible early childhood
I always saw fights between my parents. If my father was at home, there was a fight each moment. I could not remember a moment when my father talked with me in a friendly environment as father and son. I could not remember sitting on the lap of my father although my father used to play with other kids in front of me. I do not remember having food with my father in my childhood and teenage. I do not remember any celebration even a small scale in my home. I do not remember going parks or playgrounds with my parents as a family.
I have been enduring the frustration, depression, irritation, and reactions of my mother since my childhood. I have been used a dustbin by my parents to throw their reactions, irritations, frustrations, depressions and negativities, probably this is why they do not feel emotions for me even now. They do not even feel emotions for my son also, born one year ago, seems I never existed for them.
When I was about twelve years old, the conflicts between my parents were very intense also were at the peak. My mother had started to threat my father for divorce although she was not working, not earning any money, owning no parental property, no support from parents.
Sometimes as pressure tactics, when my father was in the home, my mother left the house leaving a suicide note in the home, but we always found her near a railway track, waiting for my father bringing her back to home on her conditions. Each time I was sorrowful to lose her; I always took her suicide note sincerely.
Probably to put huge pressure on my father, one day my mother eloped and started to live with her parental family. She lived there for many months. I travelled a few times to request my mother to come back home, but she was waiting for my father to follow her conditions.
My mother always thinks that she is a victim, my father is always wrong, and she must force him to do right things. For everything, she always instructed my father. How to talk, how to smile, how to behave. She used to instruct my father, how to speak with me. She always thought that my father is a fool and immoral person, and she is very expert of psychology and a highly valued person. She never gave a chance to my father to behave and live with his originality with me; probably this is why he had no interest to talk and play with me.
I think because my mother kept opposing social commitments of my father although he was very committed to downtrodden people. He was not wasting life; he was struggling for exploited people. With the time she turned to a very selfish, self-centred, full of negativity and psychological sick woman. A kind woman ended as a termagant, cruel and insensitive mother. I realised that a person could never be a sensible person by opposing and abusing social commitments and values.
Sexually abused childhood
When I was in class sixth, just nine and a half years old, I began to look for my father in various villages, when he was not visiting home for many weeks, sometimes three or four months. It was not easy to find my father. Maybe he was in a different village in the noon, in a different village in the evening and night in a different village. There were no connecting roads and google map to search a village. Usually, he was working for very backward communities of the region. No mobile, no internet, no phone.
Usually, each time I accompanied by a political volunteer of my father. It took a few days to find him always; occasionally I returned without seeing him, leaving a message for him in a village in the hope that maybe he will visit that village again soon and will get a message. For a child, it was harsh and painful to travel with heavy crowded transports, unknown strange communities and people. Sometimes staying in their houses, eating their food.
Under these circumstances, a friend of my parents got opportunities to abuse me sexually a few times, inserting his penis into my anal and dropping semen inside when I was about ten to eleven years old. I did not disclose these sexually abused incidents with anyone. Under the circumstances of my family and behaviours of my parents, as a child, I could not have said anything about it to anyone. Now more than forty years old, I am speaking about it.
The Schooling
I was sent to a government school after primary education. The government school had big old buildings, big playgrounds built by the British; teachers were so irresponsible although they were getting big salaries. There was no teacher for some subjects or one teacher for a few hundred students. In my class, there were two hundred students. Classrooms were huge and could accommodate more than two hundred students. There was no teacher for English.
Teachers were not teaching in classrooms, but they were directly/indirectly forcing students for tuition in the homes of teachers. Hundreds of students were going to tuition in the houses of teachers. Teachers were making extra money by this. If a student was not paying for tuition, he was failed intentionally in half-yearly or annual or both examinations by the subject teacher. Paying monthly fees for tuition was important, one could pay for tuition without attending tuition-classes to get marks in the examinations.
In the future, I completed a graduation with mechanical engineering followed by research in decentralised energy systems.
The Awakening
I thought I could mediate between my parents; thus I started to read many psychology, sociology, history and great ideas books to understand the conditioning, consciousness and mindset of people. I read many books; I was too innocent that time, I was hoping that my parents will listen to me, will understand me and one day I will be able to resolve the issues to build a lovely family with my parents.
To live with a beautiful and loving family with trust and harmony was my goal. With the time, I understood about the conditioning of individuals, communities, man made systems, religions and civilisations. I started with my family but ended with the entire society. I read thousands of books to understand many issues to build a better society.
I started YOG when I was hardly seven or eight years old. I was sitting all night in PADMASAN with straight backbone thinking about life, consciousness and soul, as I had understanding and presumptions that time. I did this up to my age of twenty-three years.
Many conditioning and beliefs were broken inside me. I actively wanted to understand the life, conditioning, beliefs and values; decided to use my whole for a better and harmonical society. I never even for a second thought about myself, selfishness and security; never used my life energy for personal gain, for self-interest, safety, security, likeness, lust or wants.
I wanted to know more and more things about life and thoughts, and I reduced my sleep a lot to save time. I started YOG. I reduced intake of grains a lot. Mostly, I began to take milk and fruits.
I started YOG with AASANAs, YAM, NIYAM and PRANAYAMA. I became used to sit on PADMASANA doing PRANAYAMAs all night. I used to hold breath outside and inside for many minutes. While I was holding the breath out means no breath inside the body, I was concentrating on my mind and consciousness. I realised many deeper values and understanding. It was like an awakening.
I reached into deeper levels of YOG. I realised that YOG is not aerobics, it is not physical exercise. YOG is something else entirely. YOG is understanding of life. YOG is universal consciousness. YOG is the realisation of being "un-separated universal ONE", means we are not separate we are the one unit of the existence. YOG is not lust but deconditioning. YOG is not physical fitness tool but selflessness. YOG is the complete merge of self in universal-existence.
I could have felt cognition, the changes in the electric/magnetic fields, disturbances in others’ minds, thoughts and emotions, negativity or positivity.
As I was reaching into deeper stages, I realised that my body could reflect with many minor changes in various fields. I started to understand the differences in local, relative and absolute truth(s). I wrote three diaries writing my realisation although it was as impossible to write the experiences in words. The words and the language are not empowered to express consciousness level deeper understanding, awareness and experiences. You could feel it, you could realise it, you could see it, you could experience it, but you cannot convert it in words and languages, impossible.
One day I realised that now I have only two options. One- eloping from the mainstream world; the Second- I should use my life and energy to make this world better with peace, harmony and awakening without exploitation, violence and conditioning. I decided to move towards the universal-consciousness, YOG, practical exploration of practical possibilities for making this world better for each unit living with harmony. I stopped YOG; my body took a long time to reduce reflecting on the changes of electromagnetic and other fields.
One day, they searched my room and found my diaries. After reading my diaries, they thought I am a very roughneck, uncouth and rotten person with putridity. They burnt my diaries. I still miss that loss; it was the most unfortunate loss of my entire life. These diaries were based on my organic thoughts, awakening and movements in the YOG.
YOG gave me the strength for segregating myself with any environment, situation and circumstances.
I had a deep and strong-will to understand consciousness level human psychology, conditioning, development of values/ideas, building and movements of conditioning, values and the systems of the society and civilisation. I wanted to understand each element of the society, culture and civilisation. Without understanding interrelated essences and influencing aspects of the psychology, conditioning and values of human and society; it is not possible to move even a single substantial step towards the solution and a harmony world.
The libraries in Lucknow and the punishments by parents
According to my parents, writing diaries, doing YOG, reading thoughtful books were depraved and evil deeds thus they started to punish me. After the physical and emotional tortures of more than a week, one day my mother told me that she does not want to see her younger son ruined because of me thus she does not want to see me in the house anymore. For her, it was a punishment to me, but it was a big opportunity for me. I had read many books in the available local libraries and wanted to explore more extensive libraries, Lucknow the state capital, had better opportunities. I told my mother I am happy to follow the punishment. I was around nineteen years old.
They moved me to Lucknow. Parents were giving me money hardly enough for survival. Managing expenses of the rent of a simple tiny room, food and local travel were impossible. Because of social conditioning and the feudal mentalities of the prominent families, I was not allowed to do any activities to earn some pocket-money; strictly prohibited by parents.
I needed money to travel to libraries and other things. To save money, I started to consume less food. I was getting supplies of lentils, wheat and rice from home farming. For saving money for local travels to the libraries, I changed my eating habits and stuck with only lentils and rice, no spices and vegetables except salt. I was not spending any money on food except for salt. Also, I was walking to libraries from the room for saving money. It was time-consuming to go various libraries on every day, or the alternate days thus I was walking to different libraries in one day and was borrowing many books and journals enough for a couple of weeks. On average, I was walking more than twenty kilometres on the library-day.
To save time, I was not cooking food daily. I used to cook enough amount lentil and rice for few days. I did not have a refrigerator. India is a hot country thus eating the off-food was my regular habit.
In no-libraries days, I was staying at home, reading books after books all day. To study more and more books, I was sleeping decidedly less, hardly three hours, sometimes two hours and sometimes zero hours. Depend on books, the strength of the body and the food availability.
Breaking the boundaries of feudal mentality
One night, I was walking to my room from the inter-city bus station. I met a rickshaw puller. Daytime he was pulling a rickshaw to earn money and nighttime he was using his rickshaw as his home. He was postgraduate. I became his friend; we used to have in-depth discussions about life.
After meeting him a few times, one day I requested him that I also want to pull the rickshaw. He agreed to give me his rickshaw at nighttime. A few nights I pulled the rickshaw, earned money for him and affronts by the people I was manually pulling on the rickshaw. It was a big learning of human behaviours. I worked as a casual labourer in building construction for two days but pulling rickshaw was a big learning curve towards human sensitivity.
As a YOG teacher
A maternal uncle of my mother moved to Lucknow. He was shifting his naturopathy centre to Lucknow. He needed a physical-exercise-YOG teacher for his centre. I accepted his proposal. I started to teach physical-exercise-YOG in three classes, repeating YOG exercises three times daily in the morning.
The learners had different agendas to learn YOG exercise. The graduate/postgraduate students who wanted to get concentration on the study to get seats in government service competitive examinations. People who wanted to cure their sickness. People who wanted to feel relaxed. People who wanted to be physically fit. Some people who wanted to improve their sexual capacity and other. None of them was for real YOG; they had their agendas of lust and consumption. I realised why India has hundreds of yoga shops internationally, having many so-called yoga gurus.
Yog is selflessness and state of consciousness; not a physical exercise or aerobics but yog is used only for various lusts, consumption, selfishness and physical fitness. The people who cannot attain the consciousness and mind level states, physical-exercise-YOG help them to control as a possibility to move towards YOG. But YOG has become the tool for consumption, laic and carnal pleasures.
My efforts for earning money and parents forced me to leave Lucknow
Somehow, my parents knew that I help the maternal uncle of my mother. My mother came to Lucknow. By chance, I was in the house of her uncle. She behaved with me very nicely in front of them. She told me that she brought some stuff for me, so she wants to visit my room; she hired a rickshaw, and she started to beat me while we were travelling on the rickshaw. That rickshaw puller was no stranger to me because some YOG learners used to come to the YOG centre on his rickshaw. He was shocked to see me, beaten by my mother publicly. At the arrival in my room, my mother met my landlord, the first time. She told my landlord that he should beat me daily, but he said to her that Vivek is a nice person. My mother told him that she knows me the best. She left to Kanpur. My landlords spent a few hours with me he felt sympathy because of the behaviour of my mother.
All these incidents forced me to decide for breaking financial relations with my parents. I started to explore possibilities to earn money; I was prepared to face any punishment/reaction by my parents. One of my friends agreed with me to start a coaching centre jointly for mathematics and physics subjects for class eleven, twelve and undergraduate students. This endeavour needed very less capital investment; his father agreed to give me a short-term loan with fifty percent shares for his son. I took a nursery school on rent for evening timings. I got it with a cheap rent because the school was getting extra income for non-working hours. I did not need money to invest in furniture. Around thirty-five students were ready to join. We had paid one-month advance rent and waiting for the first day. But the first day never came.
One day, my father came to Lucknow with his people. Forcefully, I was taken to his house in Kanpur, after a couple of days, I was sent to his other house in Fatehpur. I was around twenty-two years old.
Home-jail by parents and continuous physical and emotional tortures for around two years
In Fatehpur house, all rooms were locked by parents except a tiny room where I got a bed to sleep. There was no extra space in that room other than the bed; now it is used as a storeroom. For stopping me from going outside from the house, the doors were locked. I was not allowed to use the doors of the tenant.
Parents were visiting Fatehpur house weekly. They used to beat me all nights on weekends; it was the routine for many months, the weekly tortures overnight. Probably, my mother had become bored or tired or enjoyed enough beating me, whatever the reason, but she gradually reduced her visits to Fatehpur house for punishing me on weekends, from once in a week to once in a fortnight then once in a month.
My father was not coming to Fatehpur house for days. Without proper food somehow I was trying to survive. Sometimes the wife of the tenant was giving me some food, feeling pity for me. Sometimes my father left five or ten kilograms potatoes before leaving the house for one or two weeks. I had to eat those potatoes without salt and other vegetables. Days and days I was eating only boiled potatoes with salt. In the periods of no gas in the cylinder, I used to live without food some days. No money was ever given to me; I was locked in the house.
—— Beaten publicly by father including the presence of hundreds of strangers
Living like this, one day I used the door of the tenant to go outside. That day father was in Fatehpur; he was in his court-office. I went to his office; he became furious at me, I asked him a simple question that why I am here in home jail, how long I will be like this. He started to beat me there in front of hundreds of people. When he stopped, I asked him to hit me more, but I need an answer. He beat me more and more but no response, some strangers came to intercept beating; I told them very bluntly not to intercept him. That day when my father came home at night and beat me all night, but that day I felt relaxed because at least I vented myself a bit. After this incident, I was mentally prepared for few more months to live in that home jail without venting myself.
—— Ears damaged, beaten brutally for hours by my father
One day I was beaten for around six hours with a stiff rod by my father. He hit on my ears intentionally or unintentionally, my both ears were damaged, were releasing blood. The left ear was severely damaged, leaked water twenty-four hours for around three years. After beating, my father left home and came back after few days with my mother to take me for attending the marriage of younger brother of my mother. Ears had bled two days; my singlets had become red. I was putting and changing cotton singlets in my ear twenty-four hours because of ear water leakages. But my parents did not care for my ears, did not ask anything, not a single word of sympathy or care or sadness. My mother took me to the doctor after three years when I was a student of the second year of engineering graduation. Till now even after many years, I have to take precautions for my ear although ear has become used to various weathers.
—— Moved to Kanpur house, tortures continued by my mother
I do not know why, but I was sent to Kanpur house. I did not know how should I feel after spending around one year in a parent-home-jail with dense and continuous tortures, broken ears with constant water leakages; had lost fertility of brain; had lost fluency in the English language; many other capacities were lost. But I was dreaming that probably after moving me into Kanpur house, now parents will not abuse and will show some sensitivity after torturing me so brutally continuously for almost one year, and I will get some opportunities to study. But after few weeks my mother told me that I would have to compete for engineering entrance examinations in next session. She said it would be the last opportunity in my life. If I have the intelligence and strength, I have no other choice than opening the doors of this opportunity.
I had no idea, where my life is heading. But I had no options except following my mother's instructions without if or but. Just because they gave me birth, they were right, perfect, rational, sensitive, honest, and thoughtful for me. It was me, who was wrong, evil, thief, characterless, insensitive, illogical, thoughtless and...
My mother made me a timetable. She gave me two sleep-slots for choosing one; 9:00 pm to 1:00 am or 12:00 am to 4:00 am. I picked 9:00 pm to 1:00 am sleep-slot; only four hours sleep in twenty-four hours.
My mother locked all rooms in the house; only one room was open for me. She shifted her bed also in my room. She started to lock the kitchen after cooking food to prohibit me from eating more food than the amount given by her. She was deciding the amount and type of food; I should eat in a meal per day; very less amount of food because according to my mother a big amount of food influences a person to sleep. Toilets were locked, each time I needed to go toilets, I had to take her permission also the keys.
Daily without any reason probably should be termed as beating for prevention; she was beating me two or three times for no reason. She used to beat me brutally with any tool she found.
According to the timetable given by my mother, I got only four hours to sleep. But practically I got only around two hours sleep daily. Daily at night at 9:00 pm just before my time of sleep she used to deliver lectures that I sleep a lot, I am a rubbish person, and she is one of the most unfortunate women having an evil son like me, her words resonated in my mind daily while I was sleeping. Even she gave me waking time at 1:00 am but at around 12:30 am sometimes also at 12:00 am she used to kick me with her feet to wake me up.
Between 1:00 am to 6:00 am, in the morning, daily she was beating me a few times saying that I was sleeping although my eyes and books open. I have no idea how did she get an impression that I could sleep with open eyes. She never understood one fundamental thing that it is me who wants to sleep least because I want to get a seat in engineering college to get rid of from these inhumane and brutal circumstances.
I did not know, under these circumstances how did I survive! I had decided that if I do not get a seat in an engineering college, I will end my life. I did not want just to keep myself alive. I was thinking I will end my life because just eating, poohing and sleeping is not a meaningful life for me; I was sorrowful because of all my struggles; all my sufferings were ending with nothing.
But, somehow I survived and still surviving.
My wishes as a child and a son
When I was a child, I had the deepest wish to live with happiness, trust, peace, love and harmony with my parents and the family. I wanted to eat food sitting with my father. I wanted to share my queries with my parents; I wanted to ask many questions about their understanding of life, I wanted to play with them together, I wanted to tell them what I like what I don’t like; I wanted to say, my mother, that if I am getting 99 marks out of 100 in mathematics or science, then she does not need to punish me because getting one or two marks less are not significant issues, she should praise me for getting 99 marks. I wanted to say my parents that I could do a lot better things if I am not instructed and punished.
Also, I wanted to tell them that at least for a few days I want to live with them as a happy and healthy family. I wanted to say them that I am a trustful person; I am not a lier, I am not a bad boy, I am not violent, I am not evil; I wish my parents should have hugged and kissed me. I wanted to tell them that they should not be worried about what others say, sometimes they should worry about what I think or feel or want to express.
There were many feelings I wanted to express in front of my parents. In the age of six or seven years, when kids do lovely and cute insistence on getting their wishes followed by parents, I was trying to read thoughtful books for developing myself to resolve psychological issues between my parents.
Epilogue : objectivity and rationality
With the experiences of my life universities; I firmly believe that the circumstances can never stop a person to live with values, sincerity, and thoughtfulness. There can never be an excuse; impossible. I believe in death; I firmly believe that one day I will die. Thus, I want to utilise my life energy with the best of the values and humanity.
Following the theoretical assumptions of psychology, I should have become a psycho killer or a rapist or very violent person, also a very insensitive, cruel and brutal father.
Usually, people do not want to see things with objectivity and rationally. This is why with the time they become worse and worse than being mature and thoughtful. And they force other also to become worse. This process continues. This is why most of the people transfer hollowness, negativities, superficiality, selfishness and self-centredness to their kids. Mechanical and routine customs never make children or people real sensible, polite and thoughtful.
With the time I had understood one thing obviously that it is rare that people change themselves. Usually, people use excuses to justify their negativities, hollowness, intolerance and negativities. I met many individuals who misbehave with others just because they did not get a good tea in the morning or did not have a bath or did not have breakfast, or did not get proper sleep or slept one or more hours less. Usually, people are trained to justify their violence and insensitivity by these minimal and superficial reasons. Because most of the people use these tricks for justifications, thus these methods are widely justified, accepted, praised, also termed as smartness; and the trick users are known/praised as practically smart people.
I faced continuously too many negativities, violence and insensitivity from my early childhood but moved into the path of social construction and continuous efforts for social-harmony and sustainability with no-rest. I took my sufferings as the teachings of nature the existence of more significant causes. I wanted to utilise my life to make this world better for all humans. There are billions of people who do not get food, no roof, no security; only get continuous exploitation, pain, brutality, violence, cruelty etc.
I always preferred to work/associate with very interior, remote and tough areas. I worked in very remote, interior and tough areas of Bihar, Chhattisgarh, Rajasthan, Uttar Pradesh and other states of India. I started to work for indigenous people in the Maoists-violence areas of Bastar, Chhattisgarh when rare people were visiting there and government’s development works were not started. If I could understand and communicate a local language, I am ready to go and work anywhere in the world with most needy areas. The local language is the most important tool to connect with the people as their own, sharing their deep feelings/reactions/thoughts/experiences.
Index
Introduction
When he was eleven years, was sexually abused a few times in his parents’ home by a volunteer of his father. Since his early childhood up to the age of twenty-five years, he faced brutal physical tortures by parents. Also, at the age of twenty-five years, his share-rights worth millions of dollars on inherited parental properties were dismissed by his parents.
When he was around twenty-two years old. He was forced to live in conditions as home-prison under continuous physical and emotional heavy tortures for around two years in one of the houses owned by parents. All the rooms of this house were locked by parents except a tiny room with a small bed, not much extra space in the room out of the bed. For stopping him from going outside the house, the outer doors were kept locked. Parents were used to visit this house weekly to beat him all night on weekends. These weekly tortures were part of the routine for many months. Sometimes, they used to not visit this house for many days. Without sufficient food somehow he had to survive, thus he learnt to live various length of days without any food. These circumstances taught him how to do fast for longer days. A few years later, for a cause, he did a fast of eighteen days, only water nothing else. It was the longest fast he had in his life.
Even though facing negativity and insensibility since childhood, instead of being reactionary and violent person, he chose paths of constructive resolution towards the harmonious, and non-violent society. He had a deep and strong will to understand consciousness level human psychology, various levels of conditioning, development of values/ideas, formation and movements of conditioning, values and the systems of society and civilisation. He wanted to understand each element of the society, culture and civilisation. Without understanding interrelated essences and influencing aspects of psychology, conditioning and values of human and society; it is not possible to move even a single substantial step towards the solution and a harmonious world. For finding answers about life, society and systems, he did consciousness level YOG for many years since early teenager, also he had read more than thirty thousand books before the age of thirty years, excluding school and university related textbooks. Also, he had participated in many local and national movements to understand the practicality of various systems. He did YOG many years.
Getting a PhD scholarship in a European university could be a lifetime dream for the people of third world countries, but he preferred to go to work with marginalised communities rather than to accept PhD scholarship by a European university. While he was not even thirty years old, he got an offer of an annual payment of a few hundred thousand dollars, but he did not accept because he wanted to continue his ground works for marginalised communities.
To understand ground realities and non-manipulated primary information, he did many thousands kilometres foot-marches covering thousands of villages. By these intense foot marches, mass meetings and community talks, he had face-to-face dialogues with around one million people before the age of forty years. In India, he founded or co-founded or strongly supported various social organisations, educational and health institutes, cottage industries, marketing systems and community-universities for education, social economy, health, environment, social environment, renewable-energy, groundwater, river-rejuvenation, social justice and sustainability. Now, some of these organisations are in millions of dollars annual turnover and huge profits. But because he does not believe in money making systems, that is why he never took a penny from these organisations.
After mechanical engineering graduation and research work in renewable energy systems, he preferred to work voluntarily without a salary with exploited and marginalised communities in very backward areas, rather than taking a high paying job in the government or the companies.
He got married to an Australian hydrology-scientist in 2005, but stayed in India for more than a decade to work for exploited and marginalised communities. Before marriage, they mutually agreed that until the ongoing works need their physical presence in India, they will not have a baby. That is why they did not make any effort to have a baby for eleven years after the marriage.
Many hundred thousand of people of marginalised communities of backward areas of India love and regard him, also have accepted him as their family. He left all these social-achievements and prestige for living as a forgotten person to become the full-time father for his son. Even before leaving India, he donated everything except some of his clothes, mobile and laptop. He voluntarily writes for Indian journals and social media on social issues. Also, he supports ground activists in India as a counsellor who work for the social solution. He is also associated with some international organisations who work for peace and sustainability.
Prologue
A stark contrast to the metropolitan areas his family would eventually influence, Vivek’s beginnings were in a modest Indian village. Born into a lineage of Indian origins, his roots delved deep into the rich soil of his homeland. His mother, known for her grace and quiet strength, was the granddaughter of a respected landlord, a heritage that reflected historical influence and a deep connection to the land.
From his father’s family, Vivek’s heritage included significant financial resources and entrepreneurship. Because his father was the son of one of the wealthiest people in the area, he inherited millions of dollars. This was not simply a collection of assets, but rather a complex and significant aggregation of resources carefully accumulated over time. Among the assets inherited was an impressive collection of properties; this portfolio encompassed houses spread some cities and towns. Extending far beyond the boundaries of the city’s sprawling development, the family’s considerable wealth encompassed a substantial amount of rich and productive farmland, thus ensuring a reliable stream of revenue and maintaining a strong, direct link to the agricultural core of India.
In his academic pursuits, Vivek consistently demonstrated a commitment to both rigorous intellectual exploration and the practical application of his knowledge, striving for a balance between theoretical understanding and real-world impact. Having completed his studies, he graduated with a degree in mechanical engineering, a field requiring not only strong analytical skills but also a comprehensive understanding of complex systems. Despite earning his degree, his academic journey was far from over; his scholarly pursuits continued beyond graduation. Because of his deep interest in creating sustainable solutions and a vision of a more equitable future, after graduating he committed himself to researching decentralized energy systems. This research was far more significant than a simple academic exercise; it held the potential for real-world applications and tangible societal impacts. The works he did clearly demonstrated his dedication to using his skills and knowledge to improve society, showcasing a combination of advantages he inherited and his own powerful desire to make a real difference in the world.
Vivek’s mother, holding postgraduate and law degrees, commanded respect as the ideal mother, embodying progressive ideals and profound thoughtfulness, a woman of remarkable depth and vision. His father, himself a postgraduate and law graduate, devoted a significant portion of his life to serving the underserved populations in rural areas, relentlessly fighting against their exploitation and working tirelessly to improve their lives.
As a pioneer and active participant in numerous grassroots movements, Vivek’s father notably distinguished himself as the first in his region to challenge the deeply entrenched caste system prejudices; this included a willingness to participate in meals at the homes of marginalized “untouchable” castes. This powerful act of defiance served as a strong statement against the social inequalities and injustices, clearly demonstrating his unwavering commitment to equality and fairness for all members of society.
The dedication of Vivek’s father to the principles of democracy was clearly demonstrated by his active participation in the resistance movement that opposed the Emergency period in India. When Vivek’s father was just twenty years old and Vivek was still a young toddler, the father was imprisoned for more than a year because of his involvement in activism against Emergency. Vivek’s experiences with political dissent and the sacrifices made by others likely had a profound and lasting impact, significantly shaping his understanding of justice, the importance of resistance, and the potent force of individual conviction.
The passionate social activism in which Vivek had engaged led him, at only twenty-six years of age, to a critical juncture, a pivotal crossroads that significantly impacted the direction of his life’s journey. His parents, perceiving an excessive amount of influence from his siblings and extended family members regarding his commitment to certain causes, made the drastic and heartbreaking decision to disinherit him from the ancestral estate. This action clearly and dramatically highlighted the significant and growing divide between Vivek’s developing beliefs and the perspectives held by his family, including his parents and siblings. Beyond the financial ramifications, the dismissal inflicted a profound emotional wound, severing his connection to a cherished legacy he had always considered his inherent right, leading to a deep sense of rejection.
Terrible early childhood
Throughout his childhood, beginning with his very first memories, Vivek was subjected to the unceasing and recurrent conflicts and disputes between his mother and father. A perpetually tense atmosphere was always present at home, creating an environment of constant anxiety and stress. He could not recall a single instance in which his father had ever spoken to him with warmth, kindness, and the amiable manner one might expect from a father, a manner suggesting a true bond of father and son. The emotional distance was so profound that it created a significant chasm, a void where there should have been warmth, connection, and intimacy.
Even though Vivek witnessed his father engaging in playful interactions with other children on numerous occasions, the child was left with the frustratingly elusive memory of ever having a shared game or sitting on his father’s lap. The sharp difference between how his father interacted with people and Vivek’s own experiences only served to intensify his feelings of longing and loneliness, creating a profound sense of isolation. There is a conspicuous absence in his recollections of childhood and adolescence of any shared meals, a ritual that is usually central to building strong family bonds. While many families use the dinner table as a place for connection and conversation, Vivek experienced it as a void, a stark absence of the warmth and togetherness it represented for others.
Furthermore, he has no recollection of any celebratory events, even small gatherings, ever taking place within the walls of his home. Significantly missing from his early life were those occasions, such as birthdays and holidays, that usually contribute to feelings of happiness and togetherness, creating a stark contrast to what is typically experienced during childhood. During his childhood, the absence of family outings to parks and playgrounds with his parents resulted in a lack of simple joys and shared experiences, which typically build the foundation of beloved childhood memories. With these important pieces missing from his childhood, a picture emerged of a life without the typical loving family environment, leaving Vivek feeling a profound lack of emotional fulfillment and a constant longing for the relationships he never knew.
Since his earliest years, Vivek has had to contend with a chaotic and turbulent emotional life, constantly battling feelings of frustration, deep depression, intense irritation, and unpredictable emotional responses triggered by his mother’s severely dysfunctional actions. The already deeply challenging nature of his upbringing was significantly worsened by his parents’ actions; rather than offering the comfort, empathy, and steadfast support that every child rightfully deserves, they consistently burdened him with their emotional problems, making him a receptacle for their anxieties and frustrations. With relentless persistence, they heaped upon him their volatile reactions, persistent irritations, deep-seated frustrations, debilitating depressions, and a pervasive, generally negative attitude, thus effectively burdening him with an immense and suffocating weight of their emotional baggage.
Considering the severely dysfunctional and emotionally deprived upbringing he experienced, it is not only probable, but highly likely that the profound absence of emotional connection and empathy from his parents continues to impact him significantly even today. The shocking emotional emptiness of their relationship is only made more horrifying by their incredible lack of concern, even for Vivek’s own son, a child born as recently as 2016. Their failure to show any emotional response or genuine engagement with their grandchild depicts a profoundly bleak and unsettling scene; this lack of interaction suggests a complete and utter absence of Vivek from his parents’ lives and hearts, as though, in their minds, he never existed. Vivek’s life has been profoundly and enduringly affected by the tragic reality of their emotional detachment, a reality that speaks volumes about the significant depth of their disconnection.
A recurring and deeply distressing pattern of manipulation orchestrated by his mother darkened Vivek’s early life, leaving a lasting impact on his development and well-being. There were numerous times when she would leave the family home without warning, making sure her father was there to find her gone and a disturbing suicide note left in her place. This was a strategic move, a desperate measure designed to exert control and pressure over her husband, thereby indirectly influencing Vivek.
While these exits may have appeared dramatic, they were never genuine suicide attempts; they were merely theatrical displays. With predictable regularity, she would be found near the railway lines, a place she deliberately chose for its potent symbolism of endings and risk, but still within a reachable distance, suggesting a deliberate choice, not a genuine attempt to end her life. She wouldn’t attempt to conceal herself; rather, she would be waiting, a silent sentinel, for her husband’s inevitable arrival. She wouldn’t return home unless her specific conditions were completely fulfilled, a calculated move designed to solidify her controlling influence over her husband and internal family dynamics.
Each time Vivek’s mother staged her departure and subsequent reappearance, it was a deeply painful and emotionally devastating event for him. He experienced a profound and persistent sadness, stemming not only from the immediate pain of her seeming absence but also from the enduring, destructive consequences her actions had on his emotional well-being, leaving a lasting scar on his psyche. Despite knowing it was a fabrication, the agony associated with her alleged loss resonated deeply and acutely within him. The instability and emotional blackmail that characterized his childhood were constantly present, indelibly shaping his perceptions of love, trust, and the dynamics of family relationships, serving as a perpetual reminder of those difficult times. Vivek experienced a deeply damaging pattern of emotional abuse that was masked as a desperate cry for help, this abuse created a persistent wound that resonated deeply within his soul causing him to struggle with perpetual grief and a chronic feeling of emotional insecurity.
When Vivek was only twelve years old, he was forced to endure a profoundly unsettling and pivotal time in his young life, as he became inextricably caught in the turbulent and severely fractured relationship of his parents. A severe and pervasive discord had settled over the home, marked by unrelenting tension and frequent, overt clashes, resulting in a deeply troubled and dysfunctional domestic situation. Although lacking a job, personal assets, or any support from her family, Vivek’s mother began to explicitly threaten to divorce his father. The declaration of divorce significantly worsened the pre-existing instability and uncertainty within their home, which was already struggling under the weight of constant, overwhelmingly difficult family circumstances; this had a profound impact on Vivek’s formative years.
The family was sent into a state of shock when Vivek’s mother, consumed by her relentless need to strongly influence her husband, made the impulsive and surprising choice to leave the home. She went to live with her brother, where she stayed for many months, her determination unwavering. Throughout the long separation, Vivek, exhibiting unwavering loyalty and deep concern for his family, repeatedly traveled to his uncle’s house, each time attempting to convince his mother to come back home. His heartfelt pleas and persistent efforts were met with her unwavering refusal; she adamantly insisted upon her husband’s personal retrieval as a non-negotiable condition for her return, a stipulation she repeated with absolute determination.
Because Vivek’s mother habitually perceived herself as a victim, this viewpoint constantly shaped her interactions with her husband and her perception of their relationship. From her perspective, he was constantly making mistakes, a pitiable individual who required her unwavering direction to conform to her inflexible and uncompromising standards of what constituted “correct” behavior. She gave a constant outpouring of precise directions, meticulously noting everything from the slight changes in his tone of voice while speaking to the natural bend of his smile, and even his general demeanor and actions. In her mind, she was the grand orchestrator of his every action, convinced of her position as an unwavering authority on what constituted proper behavior.
Not only was her estimation of her spouse sharply critical, but it also revealed a deeply damning and negative assessment of his character and actions. She judged him to be not just foolish and lacking in both practical wisdom and common sense, but also morally objectionable, viewing him as a person whose character was fundamentally flawed. This profound judgment stemmed from and was completely supported by her unwavering confidence. In her own mind, she was a true expert in understanding the complexities of human behavior, possessing unique and unparalleled insights into the motivations that drive people’s actions. However, this self-proclaimed expertise primarily functioned as a justification for her persistent, relentless control and constant, harsh criticism.
Sadly, the repercussions of this dynamic were significantly and negatively impactful for Vivek’s father, altering the course of his life in unforeseen ways. Because he was never given the space or the opportunity to simply be himself, to express his authentic self without the constant filter of her critical gaze and judgment, he was always forced to suppress his true personality. As a result of the circumstances, the potential for a truly authentic and unblemished bond of love and understanding between father and son was sadly suppressed and prevented from flourishing. The mother’s pervasive influence and her unwillingness to allow for independent growth within the family dynamic sadly stifled and overshadowed the father-child relationship, which should have thrived on warmth, mutual understanding, and a healthy sense of individual autonomy.
During his formative years, Vivek grappled with a complex interplay of conflicting values, significantly influenced by the contrasting life paths his parents had chosen, creating a crucible of conflicting ideals. His father, a man whose life was defined by his steadfast beliefs, had committed himself completely to the pursuit of improving the lives of those living in poverty. He perceived this not merely as a decision to be made, but rather as a profound moral obligation, a sacred duty to elevate and support the individuals society had marginalized and neglected. Consumed by his tireless advocacy, his days were a relentless battle, a fight for the exploited and oppressed and for their rights and betterment.
His mother’s views on his father’s social responsibilities were diametrically opposed to his father’s, resulting in a persistent and significant source of conflict within their family home. Stemming from a yearning for a more traditional lifestyle or a deep-seated apprehension about the considerable demands such a life would place on their family, her consistent objections cast a long, somber shadow over their home, permeating the atmosphere with a sense of unease and discontent. The initial resistance, over a significant period, hardened and evolved, eventually resulting in a profound and life-changing personal transformation.
Once a kind and gentle woman, possessing a warm and compassionate spirit, she underwent a profound transformation, her personality seemingly curdling, and morphing into a deeply self-absorbed, negative, and psychologically unwell individual, a stark contrast to her former self. The inner turmoil she was experiencing manifested outwardly in shocking ways, primarily as extreme selfishness and a complete lack of empathy, extending even to her own children. She essentially became a termagant, a harsh and unfeeling mother figure who replaced any gentle affection she might have shown with a cruel indifference and treated her own child Vivek with callous disregard and insensitive harshness.
Vivek, through a process of deep and introspective self-reflection, arrived at a pivotal understanding, a strongly held belief that would serve as a guiding principle for his moral decision-making throughout his life. In his conclusion, he asserted the inherent illogic, even hypocrisy, of professing sensibility while actively opposing and undermining the foundational social commitments and values essential for a functional, sustainable, and harmonious societal structure. The life of his father, a life dedicated to the service of others, served as a testament to the importance of these core values, in stark contrast to his mother’s descent into self-absorption, which offered a cautionary tale of the consequences of neglecting such values. Vivek came to a profound understanding that true wisdom and a healthy society are inseparably interwoven with the embrace and support of collective responsibility and empathy, and cannot exist without them.
Sexually abused childhood
The nature of Vivek’s father’s work necessitated extended absences from home, often lasting for three or four months in a single trip. He was unwaveringly committed to serving the most impoverished and underdeveloped communities all throughout the region, dedicating his time and energy to those most in need. His constant movement made locating him a significant and difficult task; his peripatetic lifestyle presented a considerable challenge to those searching for him. During that period, villages existed in a state of remarkable isolation, severely lacking the interconnected road systems that we take for granted in modern times. In the past, the kind of technological advancements we now take for granted, such as using Google Maps for easy navigation and direction-finding, were completely unimaginable and simply did not exist. The absence of mobile devices, internet connectivity, and even the rarity of a standard telephone, a time vastly different from present hyper-connected age.
It was within this intricate and challenging context, at the unusually young age of nine and a half years old, while he was still in the sixth grade in a school, that Vivek took on locating for his father, a search complicated by the very nature of the man that made him so hard to find. The experience had an undeniable impact, profoundly shaping Vivek’s unwavering determination from a very young and impressionable age. As was his usual practice, one of his father’s political volunteers, a familiar face that provided a sense of stability amidst the ever-changing sea of unfamiliar faces that surrounded him, accompanied Vivek. Because they had spent many years working on political campaigns, these seasoned volunteers, acting as guides for Vivek, navigated the intricate and complex network of villages and hamlets. Finding his father proved to be a difficult and complicated process, rarely following a direct path. His political work was so unpredictable that it often took several days, sometimes even a week, to track him down, demonstrating the unusual and unpredictable nature of his job. Frequently, and these were the most disheartening, Vivek would come home without having had the chance to see his father. In such circumstances, a message, a hopeful whisper borne on the wind, would be left in a number of different villages, relying on the certainty that his father would return to those specific villages in the near future and thus receive the news. While the child felt quietly disappointed by these moments at the time, in retrospect, they unexpectedly provided a valuable and pragmatic understanding of commitment and the numerous sacrifices it often entails.
For such a young child, the experience of traveling proved to be incredibly arduous and challenging, filled with unforeseen difficulties and exhausting moments. The transportation proved to be a significant obstacle, characterized by heavy, overcrowded, and often rudimentary vehicles that lacked even the basic luxury of personal space. Surrounded by a chaotic throng of people and a cacophony of voices, Vivek felt himself squeezed, the air heavy with the dust of rural roads. In addition to the physical discomfort he was experiencing, there was also a persistent feeling of unease stemming from being surrounded by unfamiliar people and strange communities. On occasion, the arduous journey required that the travelers seek refuge and temporary lodging in the homes of the villagers, who, though welcoming, were still strangers to Vivek. Sharing their private quarters, adjusting to their established routines, and consuming the meals they provided was a necessary part of the process. During these experiences, Vivek encountered a multitude of difficulties and obstacles that tested his resilience and resolve. Those formative years profoundly shaped his character, cultivating his empathy, resilience, and instilling within him a deep understanding of the unwavering dedication demanded by public service.
The deep and significant trauma Vivek experienced in his childhood was made even worse by the further damaging actions of an adult he had reason to trust, compounding his suffering and leaving lasting scars. When he was a young boy, between the ages of ten and eleven, a trusted friend of his parents, who should have been providing him with safety and care instead preyed upon his innocence and vulnerability during his most formative years. The perpetrator subjected Vivek to ongoing sexual abuse, involving the penetration of his anus with his penis and ejaculating inside him on several occasions.
Faced with the horrifying and egregious violations, young Vivek found himself completely and utterly isolated, without a single soul to offer support or solace. Despite the crushing weight of these incidents, he endured them silently, bearing an unbearable burden with stoic resolve. He kept the details of his sexual abuse entirely private and undisclosed, never confiding in anyone about the painful experience. This silence was not a choice born of indifference, but a direct consequence of the incredibly difficult family circumstances he was navigating at the time. Because of the ways his parents acted and did not act while he was growing up, he was raised in a household where talking about such a sensitive and frightening experience was unthinkable, and this resulted in a lack of emotional support and a safe space for him to express his pain. The profound and long-lasting emotional trauma inflicted by this abuse left Vivek struggling with its consequences for many years to come, significantly impacting his life over several decades. Only after he reached the age of around forty years, following many years of life, did a monumental shift in his life occur, marking a significant turning point. With a profound display of bravery and inner strength, Vivek overcame significant obstacles, finally allowing himself to find his voice and speak his truth. With a newfound courage, he openly and honestly spoke about the sexual abuse that he had silenced for so long, breaking the silence that had held him captive and beginning his long and difficult journey toward emotional healing.
Schooling
During his formative years, Vivek spent a considerable amount of time at a large, government-run secondary school, a truly expansive building reminiscent of the imposing British colonial architecture. The impressive, though aged, structures and expansive playgrounds of this location are evocative of a past era’s dedication and commitment to providing robust and well-funded public infrastructure. Despite its outwardly impressive appearance, the educational system was, however, experiencing a significant and concerning crisis. The school was severely afflicted by a critical and widespread lack of teachers, impacting its ability to provide adequate education to its students. Vivek’s class, a truly impressive gathering of two hundred students, served as powerful evidence of this fact; each of the large classrooms, remarkably, was easily capable of comfortably holding such a sizable group. The English teaching position remained pointedly vacant, which in turn produced a considerable and problematic hole in the overall curriculum.
The scarcity of teachers was exacerbated by, and interwoven with, a long-standing and pervasive system of exploitation that had taken deep root within the educational system. Contrary to their professional obligations to teach effectively within the confines of the classroom, a significant number of teachers engaged in the unethical and unacceptable practice of directly or indirectly coercing students into attending supplementary, private tuition sessions held at their personal residences. In their residences, these teachers hosted hundreds of students, each of whom paid for private tutoring sessions. The teachers involved in this illicit enterprise used it as a way to supplement their income, resulting in a significant increase in their earnings. The inherently coercive nature of this system revealed itself through the harsh repercussions faced by a student who was unable to meet their financial obligations regarding tuition fees. In the private tutoring system, consistent monthly tuition payments were of utmost importance, because examination scores were easily attainable, even without attending a single tutoring session, as long as the required fees were paid on time.
Building upon the foundation of these past experiences, Vivek transitioned to a new academic trajectory, culminating in the successful completion of his mechanical engineering degree. Building upon a strong foundation of fundamental knowledge, his subsequent contributions were significantly enhanced through focused community research within the demanding and crucial area of decentralized energy systems, ultimately demonstrating a decisive shift towards the practical, impactful application of his various skills.
Awakening
Driven by an unwavering conviction that he could bridge the deep chasm of discord between his parents, Vivek committed himself to an extraordinary and arduous journey of self-education. His ambition was to find a way to bring them together again, to mend the fractured foundation of his family.
In his ambitious program, he immersed himself in the intricate details of psychology, dissecting theories of human behavior and motivation. He thoroughly investigated the foundational principles of sociology, understanding how societal structures and group dynamics influenced individual actions and relationships. He explored the vast and sweeping narratives of history, seeking patterns of conflict and resolution, and delving into the profound depths of philosophical thought, grappling with questions of existence, morality, and the nature of connection.
This rigorous intellectual pursuit was not merely academic; it was deeply personal. He dedicated himself to unraveling the complexities of human conditioning, attempting to grasp the elusive nature of consciousness, and ultimately aiming to decipher the profound influence that mindset exerts on both individual lives and interpersonal relationships. He believed that within these disciplines lay the keys to understanding the discord he witnessed, and perhaps, the solutions to restore harmony to his fractured family. His tireless quest for knowledge was fueled by the hope that through understanding, he could create a path towards reconciliation.
From his earliest years, Vivek, with the tender innocence and unyielding optimism characteristic of youth, harbored a fervent hope that the parents from whom he had been estranged would one day truly understand and wholeheartedly accept him. This was not a fleeting childish fantasy, but a deeply ingrained yearning that shaped his nascent worldview. In his vivid visions of the future, he did not merely anticipate a superficial mending of their broken relationship; he foresaw a profound and transformative healing through genuine reconciliation. This reconciliation, he believed, would be the cornerstone upon which a truly loving and enduring family bond would be established, a bond that transcended the pain of their separation and blossomed into a harmonious unity.
He dreamt of a time when the deep-rooted problems that had festered for so long, causing discord, misunderstanding, and profound separation within his family, would finally be acknowledged, confronted, and ultimately resolved. This resolution, he imagined, would not be a quick fix, but a gradual process of understanding, forgiveness, and mutual respect. It was his deepest desire that this painstaking work would lay an unshakeable foundation for a family life characterized by an abiding sense of harmony, a powerful and unwavering unity, and an unconditional love that had been sorely absent. He yearned for a future where laughter would echo in their home, where support would be freely given, and where the wounds of the past would finally give way to the promise of a shared, loving future.
Vivek’s primary aspiration throughout his life was to cultivate a beautiful and loving family environment, characterized by unwavering trust and profound harmony. This deeply personal goal served as the initial compass for his journey. However, as time progressed and his understanding deepened, Vivek began to recognize the intricate layers of conditioning that shaped individuals, communities, man-made systems, diverse religions, and entire civilizations. This realization broadened his perspective beyond the confines of his immediate family.
What started as a focused endeavor to nurture his own household gradually evolved into a much larger mission: working tirelessly for the betterment of society as a whole. This expanded commitment was fueled by an insatiable thirst for knowledge and a profound dedication to understanding the complexities of human existence. Before reaching the age of fifty, Vivek had meticulously read and absorbed the wisdom contained within more than forty thousand books. This monumental undertaking was not merely an academic pursuit; it was a deliberate and strategic effort to gain profound insights into a multitude of issues, all with the ultimate aim of building a more just, equitable, and compassionate society. His extensive reading provided him with the intellectual framework and nuanced understanding necessary to address systemic challenges and advocate for meaningful change on a broader scale.
From a remarkably tender age, merely seven or eight years old, he embarked on a profound spiritual journey, initiating what he termed “YOG.” Even in his nascent years, an extraordinary discipline permeated his nights; he would sit for extended periods, often through the entirety of the night, in the traditional meditative posture of Padmasana, his backbone held in perfect alignment. During these solitary vigils, his young mind, though still developing, grappled with the vast and enigmatic concepts of life, consciousness, and the very essence of the soul, all viewed through the lens of his early understandings and presumptions. This rigorous and unwavering spiritual practice continued without interruption, forming a foundational aspect of his formative years, until he reached the age of twenty-three.
A profound transformation occurred within him, as numerous conditioning and deeply ingrained beliefs were shattered. This internal upheaval sparked an intense desire to comprehend the intricacies of life itself—its inherent conditioning, the origins of beliefs, and the fundamental nature of values. With newfound clarity and purpose, he made a conscious decision to dedicate his entire existence to the betterment and harmonization of society.
This commitment was absolute and unwavering. Not for a single moment did he entertain thoughts of selfishness or personal security. His life energy, a precious and finite resource, was never diverted towards individual gain, self-interest, safety, or the pursuit of personal likeness, lust, or fleeting desires. Instead, every action and every thought was aligned with the singular goal of contributing to a more just and interconnected world, demonstrating an extraordinary degree of altruism and a powerful sense of collective responsibility.
Driven by an insatiable curiosity about the profound mysteries of existence and the intricate tapestry of human thought, he embarked on a relentless quest for knowledge. To carve out more hours for his burgeoning intellectual pursuits, he drastically curtailed his sleep, viewing it as a necessary sacrifice in his pursuit of enlightenment. This transformative journey led him to embrace the ancient discipline of Yoga, not merely as a physical exercise, but as a holistic path towards inner harmony and expanded consciousness. Complementing this spiritual and mental shift, he also undertook a radical change in his dietary habits. He significantly reduced his consumption of grains, gravitating instead towards a more natural and simplified diet consisting primarily of milk and fruits, believing these choices further supported his physical and spiritual well-being.
Vivek embarked on a transformative journey into the profound discipline of Yoga, commencing with the foundational practices of Yogasanas (physical postures), Yama (ethical restraints), Niyama (observances), and Pranayama (breath control). His dedication led him to a remarkable proficiency, particularly in Pranayama, where he developed the ability to comfortably sustain Padmasana (lotus pose) for extended periods, engaging in breathing exercises throughout the night.
Through rigorous practice, Vivek mastered the art of breath retention, both external (holding breath out) and internal (holding breath in), for many minutes at a time. During these periods of extended exhalation, when his body was completely devoid of breath, he directed his unwavering concentration towards his mind and consciousness. This intense focus became a conduit for profound insights, leading to the realization of many deeper values and a heightened understanding of existence. The experience transcended mere intellectual comprehension; it was a profound and transformative awakening, a realization that fundamentally shifted his perception and awareness of the world and himself.
He delved profoundly into the true essence of YOG, transcending conventional perceptions to realize that it is far more than mere aerobics or physical exertion. YOG, in its entirety, embodies a comprehensive understanding of life itself. It represents a profound connection to universal consciousness, a state of being where the individual realizes their inherent “un-separated universal ONE” nature. This means recognizing that we are not isolated entities, but rather integral components of a unified existence.
YOG is not about satisfying desires but about deconditioning oneself from attachments and illusions. It is not merely a tool for physical fitness but a path towards profound selflessness. Ultimately, YOG signifies the complete merging of the individual self into the expansive fabric of universal existence, achieving a state of complete harmony and unity with all that is.
He possessed a remarkable sensitivity, an innate ability to perceive and interpret the subtle currents of the human mind. This extended beyond mere observation; he could, at a profound level, feel cognition itself – the nascent stirrings of thought, the intricate dance of electrical and magnetic impulses within the brain. His perception encompassed the ephemeral disturbances that ripple through the collective consciousness, sensing the very texture of others’ mental landscapes. He could discern the nuances of their inner dialogues, the fleeting impressions, the nascent ideas taking root. This sensitivity allowed him to grasp not only explicit thoughts but also the underlying emotional currents – the radiant warmth of positivity, the chilling grip of negativity, and the complex interplay of all human sentiments that continuously shape our perceptions and interactions.
As he delved into increasingly profound stages of self-discovery, he began to perceive how even the slightest shifts in his physical being could resonate with significant transformations across various domains of his existence. This heightened sensitivity allowed him to grasp the intricate distinctions between local, relative, and absolute truths.
Driven by an insatiable quest for understanding, he meticulously documented his profound realizations in three separate diaries. However, the very act of translating these experiences into written words proved to be an insurmountable challenge. He recognized that the inherent limitations of language and conventional vocabulary rendered them utterly incapable of conveying the deeper strata of conscious understanding, awareness, and direct experience. These were insights that transcended linguistic expression. One could only feel them, realize them, see them, and experience them directly; to attempt to convert them into words and structured languages was, quite simply, an impossibility. The true essence of these revelations lay beyond the grasp of mere linguistic constructs, residing instead in the realm of direct, unmediated perception and being.
Driven by a profound moment of clarity, he confronted a stark choice: retreat from the complexities of the mainstream world or dedicate his existence to its betterment. The second path beckoned, a commitment to fostering a world rooted in peace, harmony, and awakening, free from the shackles of exploitation, violence, and conditioning. This pivotal decision propelled him towards a journey of universal-consciousness, embracing the principles of YOG as a practical framework for positive change.
His initial engagement with YOG was intense, a deep dive into its methodologies and philosophies. However, a significant shift occurred, leading him to a pause in his YOG practice. This cessation triggered a noticeable transformation within his physical being, his body undergoing a prolonged period of adjustment. This intricate process of reduction and recalibration served as a tangible reflection of the profound changes occurring within his electromagnetic and other subtle energy fields, underscoring the deep interconnectedness between his internal evolution and external manifestation.
The fire consumed more than just paper; it devoured a part of him. One day, a sudden and intrusive search by his mother and a maternal uncle unearthed a trove of his most intimate thoughts: his diaries. As their eyes scanned the pages, a distorted image of him began to form – a roughneck, an uncouth individual, a rotten person oozing putridity. Their judgment was swift and severe. In a harrowing act of destruction, they set his diaries ablaze right before his eyes. The flames danced, consuming the words, the emotions, the very essence of his inner world.
He still mourns that loss, a chasm in his life that remains unfilled. It was, he believes, the most unfortunate loss he has ever endured. These diaries were not mere collections of events; they were a living testament to his organic thoughts, a chronicle of his awakening, and a detailed record of his profound movements within the practice of YOG. It was YOG, he often reflects, that bestowed upon him an invaluable strength: the ability to segregate himself, to maintain his inner equilibrium, regardless of the environment, situation, or circumstances that enveloped him. The diaries were the tangible manifestation of this transformative journey, and their incineration left an irreplaceable void.
Vivek possesses a profound and unyielding determination to delve into the intricate layers of human existence. His intellectual curiosity is primarily directed towards comprehending consciousness at its deepest level, unraveling the complexities of human psychology, and meticulously analyzing the multifaceted processes of conditioning that shape individual and collective behavior. He seeks to understand the very genesis and evolution of values and ideas, tracing their emergence within societies and civilizations, and observing how they are disseminated, adopted, and ultimately integrated into systemic structures.
His analytical lens extends to the dynamics of social movements, examining how collective aspirations and discontents coalesce into forces that can either reinforce or challenge existing paradigms. Vivek’s ambition is nothing less than a comprehensive deconstruction of every constituent element within society, culture, and civilization. He believes that a truly meaningful and impactful approach to addressing global challenges and fostering a more harmonious world is contingent upon an exhaustive understanding of the interwoven essences and profound influences that psychology, conditioning, and values exert on both individuals and the broader societal fabric. Without this foundational and holistic comprehension, any attempt to instigate substantial progress or to envision a genuinely harmonious future would remain a futile and ultimately unsustainable endeavor. He recognizes that true solutions lie not in superficial adjustments but in a deep-seated understanding of these interconnected forces, without which even the smallest, most well-intentioned step towards progress would prove insubstantial and ultimately ineffective.
Libraries in Lucknow and the punishments by parents
Because intellectual curiosity was considered a transgression in their rigid household, Vivek’s parents reacted negatively to his writing diaries, practicing yoga, and reading thoughtful books, labeling these activities as “depraved and evil deeds,” highlighting their disapproval of his independent intellectual pursuits. In an effort to prevent what she perceived as her younger son’s downfall, his mother, one day, issued a severe ultimatum, informing him that he could no longer reside in their household.
His parents intended to make his expulsion from the family house a punishment of the utmost severity, hoping it would serve as the ultimate deterrent. For the nineteen-year-old Vivek, however, this presented a surprisingly large and unforeseen opportunity that he had never anticipated before. Because he had already exhausted the limited resources available at the local libraries, he longed for a more expansive intellectual experience, and he believed that Lucknow, the state capital, could provide exactly that. Maintaining an outward composure that carefully concealed his inner turmoil and true feelings, Vivek formally informed his mother of his acceptance of the punishment, a decision he framed as an enthusiastic embrace of his banishment, portraying it as a unique opportunity that would serve as a gateway to acquiring new and valuable knowledge.
Because Vivek’s parents orchestrated his move to Lucknow, he faced significant financial difficulties because of the relocation. The meager amount of money they provided him was barely enough to cover the costs of a small room, food, and local transportation, presenting him with an insurmountable financial challenge. The deeply ingrained feudalistic attitudes and pervasive social conditioning prevalent amongst the region’s reputed families significantly intensified his struggles, because there were strict prohibitions against any income-generating activities further limited his options.
Because of the costs associated with library memberships, local transportation, and other essential expenses, the need for additional funding became critically important. In an effort to preserve his meager financial resources, Vivek made the drastic decision to severely curtail his consumption of food. Although his family’s farm provided him with a basic supply of lentils, wheat, and rice, he made a deliberate decision to significantly reduce his food intake and simplify his diet. In order to save money for the essential trips to the libraries, he adopted a frugal diet consisting solely of lentils and rice, completely abstaining from the use of spices, vegetables, milk, and eggs.
Because he spent so much time in the libraries, walking became his main way of getting there and back, a process that took a long time but was a necessary sacrifice for him to make. To maximize his efficiency, he scheduled specific days for visiting multiple libraries, strategically borrowing the maximum allowable number of books and journals to ensure he had sufficient reading material for a couple of weeks. During his designated “library days,” he consistently and routinely walked a distance exceeding twenty kilometers.
In an effort to save time, and to free up his schedule for other activities, Vivek made the decision to stop cooking every day. To ensure he had enough food for many days, he would meticulously prepare a large amount of lentils and rice. Because there was no refrigerator to keep food fresh in the hot Indian climate, eating food that was past its prime unfortunately became a common occurrence for him.
Excluding the days spent at the library, Vivek dedicated himself to a persistent and focused pursuit of knowledge, remaining in his room and completely immersed in his studies. Driven by an insatiable thirst for knowledge, he consistently immersed himself in reading, frequently sacrificing sleep, sometimes getting as little as two hours of rest, and occasionally going without sleep entirely. Because he was driven by an unwavering dedication to his studies, his sleep schedule was entirely dependent on the number of books he planned to read, his physical endurance, and whether or not he had access to food.
Breaking the boundaries of feudal mentality by pulling rickshaw
On that particular night, Vivek’s trip from the inter-city bus station to his cramped little room took an unexpected turn, an unplanned encounter changing the course of his learning-journey. That was when Vivek had his first encounter with that rickshaw puller; this individual spent his days navigating the incredibly crowded city streets in his rickshaw, his muscles working hard with every pedal stroke he made just to get enough money to support himself. However, when the sunset and the night came, his rickshaw miraculously transformed, not into a mere shed or garage, but into a place of refuge, a humble dwelling that served as his personal sanctuary.
Vivek was truly struck not only by the unusual circumstances of the situation but also, and perhaps more importantly, by the remarkable intellect displayed by the rickshaw puller. It was revealed to Vivek that the man, possessing a postgraduate degree and thus a considerable education, had deliberately selected this physically arduous line of work. What began as a simple, initial exchange between them quickly and unexpectedly blossomed into a relationship of much greater depth and complexity. Drawn by the rickshaw puller’s profound insights and his thoughtful articulation of them, they formed a bond of friendship. As the evenings went by, they found themselves engaged in passionate discussions that explored the complexities of life, examining not only its triumphs and fleeting moments of joy but also the frequently overlooked hardships faced by those living on the margins of society. These were not merely superficial chats, but rather conversations of substance and depth.
Driven by a persistent curiosity that intensified with each subsequent encounter, Vivek yearned for a profound understanding; he wanted to know what it truly felt like to walk in the other person’s shoes, to personally experience the physical and emotional challenges that defined their daily existence. One evening, after mustering every ounce of courage he possessed, Vivek finally decided to broach the difficult subject that had been weighing heavily on his mind. Vivek made a request that seemed completely absurd at first; his desire was to personally pull the rickshaw. Much to Vivek’s astonishment, the man not only agreed to his request but also offered him the use of his rickshaw for the entire night. Thus, under the cover of darkness, for several nights, Vivek took on the role of a rickshaw puller, pulling his rickshaw through the night.
The experience was unfiltered and exposed to harsh realities, yet simultaneously provided profound insights and understanding. On every trip Vivek pulled the rickshaw, the money he earned was not for his own benefit, but a contribution towards the daily income of the rickshaw puller, helping to supplement his earnings. The monetary implications of rickshaw pulling paled compared to the far more significant and impactful experiences gained and the deeply felt insults endured during that time. The experience served as a baptism by fire, a jarring introduction to the complexities of human behavior and a stark reminder of the often-overlooked dehumanization inherent in some forms of labor, forcing a harsh confrontation with the realities of the work.
To gain both knowledge and firsthand experience, Vivek had briefly worked two days as a casual laborer on a building construction site; but rickshaw pulling, however, imparted a lesson quite unlike any he had encountered before. However, that pulling the rickshaw was significantly more difficult to learn than Vivek had expected. The experience compelled Vivek to grapple directly and intensely with the complexities of human empathy, or its absence, and the significant influence of what people perceive as social structures.
By rickshaw pulling, the experience and learning Vivek got was far richer and more profound than anything a textbook could ever offer, a truly immersive experience that allowed him to connect directly with a life and culture that is too often ignored or overlooked by the wider world.
As a YOG Teacher
Faced with the relocation of his naturopathy center to Lucknow, Vivek’s mother’s maternal uncle found himself in need of a skilled teacher to conduct the physical exercise and yoga classes that were integral to the center’s services. From a young age, Vivek had excelled at yoga, and upon accepting a new offer, he incorporated a rigorous daily routine of three classes, each involving the repetition of yoga exercises three times every morning.
A wide variety of people came to learn yoga, each with their own individual motivations and goals for participating in the class. Included in this group were graduate and postgraduate students, all of whom were diligently seeking to improve their ability to concentrate so that they might perform well on the highly competitive government service examinations. Some individuals were looking for relief from their ailments, while others were simply aiming to reach a state of tranquility. The motivation for a lot of individuals was the pursuit of physical well-being, with a few also having the goal of enhancing their sexual prowess. Vivek came to understand that the individuals he interacted with were not genuinely interested in discovering the true essence of yoga. This dawning awareness illuminated the reason behind the global surge in the number of yoga businesses, many of which are operated by self-declared yoga gurus, showcasing the immense popularity and commercialization of this ancient practice.
The truest expression of yoga, stripped of any superficial elements, reveals its essence: a profound state of consciousness marked by the absence of ego and the presence of profound inner peace. This activity is not simply a matter of physical exertion or an aerobics class; it encompasses a richer, more holistic experience. Despite its profound significance, the true meaning has been largely overlooked and, regrettably, it has been co-opted and diminished to serve various desires, materialistic pursuits, selfish goals, and the pursuit of physical well-being, consequently losing its original essence and importance. As a preparatory step towards genuine yoga, physical exercise, presented in the guise of yoga, can be beneficial for those who find it difficult to achieve deep states of consciousness and mental clarity. The stark reality, however, is that yoga’s essence has been largely distorted and commodified; it has become, for many, a tool for secular fulfillment, physical pleasure-seeking, and consumerism, losing much of its deeper spiritual meaning.
efforts for earning money and parents forced him to leave Lucknow
The already strained and pretentious relationship between Vivek’s parents shattered unexpectedly upon the discovery of his close bond with his mother’s uncle, a revelation that felt almost deliberately orchestrated, thus completely dismantling the fragile veneer of familial harmony they had previously maintained. Due to the shocking and unforeseen revelation, a chain of momentous events transpired, drastically and irrevocably changing Vivek’s life path, his relationships with his family, and ultimately culminating in a dramatically altered and irreversible life circumstance.
While visiting the city of Lucknow, his mother, with cunning and deceit, skillfully constructed a complex and elaborate deception. She located Vivek at her uncle’s, and, in a calculated maneuver to deceive her family, she put on a show of exaggerated maternal warmth, showering him with profuse affection in a performance designed to appear genuine. Following that, she expressed a keen desire to visit his room, offering the explanation that she possessed gifts for him as a reason for her request. At first glance, the request seemed benign and pure, but underneath lay a malevolent and diabolical scheme. She hired a man-pulled rickshaw, and it was during this journey that her true character was revealed. In a display of shocking and disturbing brutality, she began to publicly beat Vivek, causing a scene that horrified onlookers. The rickshaw puller, a man Vivek knew from his YOG center, was visibly shocked and appalled by the public display of violence that unfolded before him.
When they arrived at Vivek’s room, the aggressive confrontation that his mother had started continued relentlessly. Having never previously met the man, she encountered his landlord and, with no hesitation or explanation whatsoever, issued the brutal and unexpected order that he should beat Vivek on a daily basis. Because of his integrity, the landlord refused; he asserted that Vivek was a respectable and kind person. In an unyielding tone, his mother countered, stating emphatically that she knew Vivek better than anyone, and that, from her perspective, he possessed fundamental flaws that could not be ignored. Having endured an hour of profoundly unsettling interaction, she made her departure for Kanpur, leaving a path of significant emotional destruction behind. Observing the cruel treatment Vivek endured at the hands of his mother, his landlord stayed with him for the following hours, providing comfort and sympathy, a stark contrast to the heartless indifference Vivek received from his own mother.
Vivek was subjected to an unbearable level of both emotional and physical abuse, a relentless assault that ultimately shattered his resilience and led him to a point of utter despair. With a heavy heart but a firm resolve, he made the difficult decision to end his financial dependence on his parents. Although this choice offered a sense of freedom and liberation, it was made with the full awareness and understanding that he would inevitably and severely incur the wrath and displeasure of his family.
Despite facing setbacks, Vivek remained resolute and began investigating various options to achieve financial independence. He found an ally in a friend who shared his vision. Collaboratively, they made the decision to create a coaching center that would focus on providing expert instruction in mathematics and physics to students currently enrolled in Class XI, Class XII, and undergraduate programs. They were drawn to this venture because it did not require a substantial amount of capital to get started. To help his son, the friend’s supportive father, agreed to give a short-term loan for fifty percent shares for his son.
In their search for a suitable location to hold their evening classes, they eventually found and managed to rent a nursery school. Because the school was eager to increase its revenue during its off hours, it offered them an incredibly affordable rental rate. Because the school already had sufficient furniture, this arrangement removed the necessity of any further financial investment in furniture for the event. The initiative’s organizers found themselves overwhelmed by the positive response as word of their work spread and soon, about thirty-five students eagerly signed up to join. Having already had a plan to pay a few month’s rent in advance, they excitedly looked forward to the commencement of their classes, completely unaware of the impending difficulties that lay ahead.
The aspirations of achieving financial independence and starting anew were shattered in a brutally abrupt manner. Unexpectedly, on a particular day, Vivek’s father appeared in Lucknow, not by himself, but in the company of an intimidating contingent of armed men. Demonstrating a powerful assertion of parental control, Vivek was forcibly seized and returned to the family residence located in Kanpur. Kanpur, where he spent a few difficult days, was only a temporary stop before he was sent to the family’s other house in Fatehpur. Vivek was forced back into the stifling grip of his family’s authority, much to his dismay. The first day of the coaching center, which was meant to symbolize his independence and self-reliance, unfortunately never arrived.
Home-jail by parents and continuous physical and emotional tortures for around two years
(narrated by Vivek)
The Fatehpur house was a grim tableau, where life was characterized by confinement, deprivation, and a general lack of freedom and resources. With the exception of one small room, which was just large enough to fit a single bed, my parents sealed off every other room in the house. Confined to this minuscule, neglected storeroom, a space previously used for storage and now largely forgotten, I found myself inhabiting a world limited to its confines. Locked house doors served as a deliberate barrier, separating me from the outside; furthermore, I was explicitly forbidden from using even the tenant’s entrance—a cruel irony, considering my intense and desperate need to escape.
The arrival of each weekend brought with it a renewed and terrifying wave of fear. The weekly visits my parents made to Fatehpur were not motivated by affection; rather, they constituted a horrific ritual of nightly physical abuse. The relentless and torturous cycle persisted for months, with each weekend bringing a chilling and unwavering reminder of my inability to change the situation. As time went on, the reasons I could never quite fathom, boredom, or exhaustion, or maybe even a strange sense of satisfaction derived from the mistreatment I endured, my mother’s visits to me gradually decreased in frequency. As the weeks passed, the weekly torment slowly diminished, becoming a less frequent, fortnightly occurrence, and eventually a monthly one, providing only brief respites from the ongoing and merciless cruelty.
My father’s absences grew longer and longer, extending into multiple days, which left me to battle against the increasingly severe pangs of hunger. Each day presented a relentless battle for survival, a constant struggle against overwhelming odds. Occasionally, a small act of human kindness would shine through the harshness, as the tenant’s wife, her heart touched by my plight, would sometimes offer me food out of compassion. My father’s infrequent visits usually resulted in a meager supply of a few kilograms of potatoes, a quantity barely sufficient to sustain me for one or two weeks. My sustenance consisted solely of these items, boiled and consumed without the addition of salt or any other vegetables, a monotonous and repetitive diet that continued endlessly for months. The depletion of the gas cylinder always resulted in a prolonged period where I had to endure without food for some days. Since I was confined to the house, thus, I was not given money.
— Beaten publicly by father including the presence of hundreds of strangers
Living like this, one day I used the door of the tenant to go outside. That day father was in Fatehpur; he was in his court-office. I went to his office; he became furious at me, I asked him a simple question that why I am here in home jail, how long I will be like this. He started to beat me there in front of hundreds of people. When he stopped, I asked him to hit me more, but I need an answer. He beat me more and more but no response, some strangers came to intercept beating; I told them very bluntly not to intercept him. That day when my father came home at night and beat me all night, but that day I felt relaxed because at least I vented myself a bit. After this incident, I was mentally prepared for few more months to live in that home jail without venting myself.
— Ears damaged, beaten brutally for hours by my father
One day I was beaten for around six hours with a stiff rod by my father. He hit on my ears intentionally or unintentionally, my both ears were damaged, were releasing blood. The left ear was severely damaged, leaked water twenty-four hours for around three years. After beating, my father left home and came back after few days with my mother to take me for attending the marriage of younger brother of my mother. Ears had bled two days; my singlets had become red. I was putting and changing cotton singlets in my ear twenty-four hours because of ear water leakages. But my parents did not care for my ears, did not ask anything, not a single word of sympathy or care or sadness. My mother took me to the doctor after three years when I was a student of the second year of engineering graduation. Till now even after many years, I have to take precautions for my ear although ear has become used to various weathers.
— Moved to Kanpur house, tortures continued by my mother
I do not know why, but I was sent to Kanpur house. I did not know how should I feel after spending around one year in a parent-home-jail with dense and continuous tortures, broken ears with constant water leakages; had lost fertility of brain; had lost fluency in the English language; many other capacities were lost. But I was dreaming that probably after moving me into Kanpur house, now parents will not abuse and will show some sensitivity after torturing me so brutally continuously for almost one year, and I will get some opportunities to study. But after few weeks my mother told me that I would have to compete for engineering entrance examinations in next session. She said it would be the last opportunity in my life. If I have the intelligence and strength, I have no other choice than opening the doors of this opportunity.
I had no idea, where my life is heading. But I had no options except following my mother’s instructions without if or but. Just because they gave me birth, they were right, perfect, rational, sensitive, honest, and thoughtful for me. It was me, who was wrong, evil, thief, characterless, insensitive, illogical, thoughtless and…
My mother made me a timetable. She gave me two sleep-slots for choosing one; 9:00 pm to 1:00 am or 12:00 am to 4:00 am. I picked 9:00 pm to 1:00 am sleep-slot; only four hours sleep in twenty-four hours.
My mother locked all rooms in the house; only one room was open for me. She shifted her bed also in my room. She started to lock the kitchen after cooking food to prohibit me from eating more food than the amount given by her. She was deciding the amount and type of food; I should eat in a meal per day; very less amount of food because according to my mother a big amount of food influences a person to sleep. Toilets were locked, each time I needed to go toilets, I had to take her permission also the keys.
Daily without any reason probably should be termed as beating for prevention; she was beating me two or three times for no reason. She used to beat me brutally with any tool she found.
According to the timetable given by my mother, I got only four hours to sleep. But practically I got only around two hours sleep daily. Daily at night at 9:00 pm just before my time of sleep she used to deliver lectures that I sleep a lot, I am a rubbish person, and she is one of the most unfortunate women having an evil son like me, her words resonated in my mind daily while I was sleeping. Even she gave me waking time at 1:00 am but at around 12:30 am sometimes also at 12:00 am she used to kick me with her feet to wake me up.
Between 1:00 am to 6:00 am, in the morning, daily she was beating me a few times saying that I was sleeping although my eyes and books open. I have no idea how did she get an impression that I could sleep with open eyes. She never understood one fundamental thing that it is me who wants to sleep least because I want to get a seat in engineering college to get rid of from these inhumane and brutal circumstances.
I did not know, under these circumstances how did I survive! I had decided that if I do not get a seat in an engineering college, I will end my life. I did not want just to keep myself alive. I was thinking I will end my life because just eating, poohing and sleeping is not a meaningful life for me; I was sorrowful because of all my struggles; all my sufferings were ending with nothing.
But, somehow I survived and still surviving.
My wishes as a child and a son
When I was a child, I had the deepest wish to live with happiness, trust, peace, love and harmony with my parents and the family. I wanted to eat food sitting with my father. I wanted to share my queries with my parents; I wanted to ask many questions about their understanding of life, I wanted to play with them together, I wanted to tell them what I like what I don’t like; I wanted to say, my mother, that if I am getting 99 marks out of 100 in mathematics or science, then she does not need to punish me because getting one or two marks less are not significant issues, she should praise me for getting 99 marks. I wanted to say my parents that I could do a lot better things if I am not instructed and punished.
Also, I wanted to tell them that at least for a few days I want to live with them as a happy and healthy family. I wanted to say them that I am a trustful person; I am not a lier, I am not a bad boy, I am not violent, I am not evil; I wish my parents should have hugged and kissed me. I wanted to tell them that they should not be worried about what others say, sometimes they should worry about what I think or feel or want to express.
There were many feelings I wanted to express in front of my parents. In the age of six or seven years, when kids do lovely and cute insistence on getting their wishes followed by parents, I was trying to read thoughtful books for developing myself to resolve psychological issues between my parents.
Epilogue : objectivity and rationality
With the experiences of my life universities; I firmly believe that the circumstances can never stop a person to live with values, sincerity, and thoughtfulness. There can never be an excuse; impossible. I believe in death; I firmly believe that one day I will die. Thus, I want to utilise my life energy with the best of the values and humanity.
Following the theoretical assumptions of psychology, I should have become a psycho killer or a rapist or very violent person, also a very insensitive, cruel and brutal father.
Usually, people do not want to see things with objectivity and rationally. This is why with the time they become worse and worse than being mature and thoughtful. And they force other also to become worse. This process continues. This is why most of the people transfer hollowness, negativities, superficiality, selfishness and self-centredness to their kids. Mechanical and routine customs never make children or people real sensible, polite and thoughtful.
With the time I had understood one thing obviously that it is rare that people change themselves. Usually, people use excuses to justify their negativities, hollowness, intolerance and negativities. I met many individuals who misbehave with others just because they did not get a good tea in the morning or did not have a bath or did not have breakfast, or did not get proper sleep or slept one or more hours less. Usually, people are trained to justify their violence and insensitivity by these minimal and superficial reasons. Because most of the people use these tricks for justifications, thus these methods are widely justified, accepted, praised, also termed as smartness; and the trick users are known/praised as practically smart people.
I faced continuously too many negativities, violence and insensitivity from my early childhood but moved into the path of social construction and continuous efforts for social-harmony and sustainability with no-rest. I took my sufferings as the teachings of nature the existence of more significant causes. I wanted to utilise my life to make this world better for all humans. There are billions of people who do not get food, no roof, no security; only get continuous exploitation, pain, brutality, violence, cruelty etc.
I always preferred to work/associate with very interior, remote and tough areas. I worked in very remote, interior and tough areas of Bihar, Chhattisgarh, Rajasthan, Uttar Pradesh and other states of India. I started to work for indigenous people in the Maoists-violence areas of Bastar, Chhattisgarh when rare people were visiting there and government’s development works were not started. If I could understand and communicate a local language, I am ready to go and work anywhere in the world with most needy areas. The local language is the most important tool to connect with the people as their own, sharing their deep feelings/reactions/thoughts/experiences
August 15, 2019 @ 5:15 pm
Pranam bandhu, I can only say thanks and thanks to share it …… After reading this actually I don’t have anything to say or do comment about it ……. I wish to spend some times of my life with you ……love you and have a joyful life bandhu….
December 30, 2019 @ 8:26 am
आपका धन्यवाद
July 3, 2020 @ 9:56 am
Dear Vivek,
I feel sympathy with you as I also have undergone bitter past due to home dispute between my parents. I wish that I meet you sometime in Kanpur. I work in CSJM University to teach Chemical Engineering students. Please contact me when possible. I want to explore more truths of life with you.
September 22, 2020 @ 7:45 am
प्रणाम श्रीमान ।
आपके बारे पढ़कर ऐसा लगा कि आपका जीवन कोमलता के बीच धार धार हथियारों से छलनी हुआ है । फिर भी कोमलता को आपने गहराई से दृढ़ किया है । आप जो अमानवीयता अपनों से झेली है समझ के परे है कि कोई माता पिता अपनी औलाद के लिए ऐसे बन सकते है । कामना करते है कि आपका आने वाला जीवन खुशहाल हो ।
October 28, 2020 @ 9:12 pm
पवन भाई, आपकी संवेदनशीलता के लिए आभारी हूं।
March 8, 2022 @ 9:16 am
विवेक जी, प्रणाम
आपकी जीवन गाथा पढ़ी और जाना कि आपने अपने प्रारंभिक जीवन में अनेक कठिनाइयाँ होने के बावजूद भी अपनी लगन और कौशल के बलबूते अकल्पनीय बुलंदियों पर पहुंच कर सही अर्थों में मनुष्य जीवन को धन्य कर दिया ,
आपके इस जीवन प्रसंग पर तो भारत ही नहीं पूरे संसार को एक नई ऊर्जा मिलती है, मैं सकोया फाउंडेशन में कोर्डिनेटर के रूप में काम करता हूँ ,
और पूरे उत्साह से कह सकता हूँ कि आप जैसे ही भारत के सपूतों से ही पूरे संसार भर में भारत की पहचान हैं ,
सकोया फाउंडेशन के ओर से बहुत बहुत शुभ-कामनाएँ
Cordinator
सकोया फाउंडेशन दिल्ली
फ़ोन : 9654478368
April 30, 2022 @ 9:07 pm
धन्यवाद
June 23, 2025 @ 5:51 pm
Dear Vivek Umrao sir,
“Your journey may have been bitter, but it shaped a strength in you that sweetness never could.”
Even in pain, there is power — and your story proves it.
You’ve walked through storms most can’t imagine. That resilience is unmatched.”
💬 Poetic & Deep:
“A bitter path still leads forward — and even thorns can bloom in time.”
“The darkest nights carve the brightest souls.”
“You drank from the cup of hardship, but still stand — and that’s a kind of quiet victory.”
💬 Honest & Realistic:
“Not every journey is beautiful, but every step still matters.”
“Bitterness teaches us truths that comfort never dares to reveal.”
Would you like a Hindi version too?
June 23, 2025 @ 8:57 pm
Thank you.
August 2, 2025 @ 3:03 am
“After reading this, I became your fan, sir.
There are many problems in my life, and there might be more tomorrow too — but I will always remember your life struggles and achievements to keep myself motivated.
You truly reflect the saying: ‘Stars can’t shine without darkness.’
You’ve become a rising star for others — just like me.
Your obedient follower,
Shivam
With deep respect — Love you, sir.”