
The objective of this long article is to observe, comprehend, and analyse the effects on the mental state of children. Negative effects have repercussions on multiple levels. This article could be rational and meaningful for sincere, sensible, no-discriminative, thoughtful persons who love their children more than their ego and self-centricity, but could be irrational and meaningless for others. Although this article is based on real examples, we could see many examples in the community. There are countless examples that surround us, whether they be within our family or network of close friends, or perhaps we have personal experiences. In order to illustrate some points, I will choose several examples for this article to discuss. The examples provided in the article are solely for the purpose of discussing points and issues, with no intention of criticising anyone. It is purely coincidental if someone finds themselves similar to the examples, and there is no intention of hurting anyone. The sole intention is to explore why and how we can create a better world for our children.
The article also provides some glimpses of my anticipated books on the topics such as:
“We the parents, the family and our children”,
“Letters to the mother of a child”,
“Letters to the son from a virtually dead father”.
Chapter ONE
The Beginning
During my wife's pregnancy, she enrolled in a course organised by a government hospital in Australia. A nurse, who focused on providing comprehensive information about pregnancy, did the coordination of this course, including the physiological changes that occur in the body when a baby is growing inside, the process of delivery, and other related topics. With no doubt, these courses serve as a valuable resource for comprehending a multitude of basic concepts. While my wife enrolled in this course, I was in India, which resulted in me only being able to attend a few sessions, even though I was extremely enthusiastic about the course. Since I did not attend the previous sessions, I am unsure about what took place during them. However, during the last sessions, the nurse's focus was to emphasise the importance of being self-centric and isolated due to the challenging nature of parenting. She emphasised the importance of parents not entertaining any family member, relative, or friends, and if possible, saying no to everyone. In the event that someone is visiting, it is recommended that they be requested to bring food and assist with household chores, even if their visit is of short duration. Upon hearing the nurse's remarks, I found myself quite taken aback. However, in retrospect, I reasoned that her words may have stemmed from her personal viewpoints and a dismissive demeanour, as if she were pouring out these notions influenced by her own grievances and preconceived notions. With passaging time, I gradually came to the understanding that this behaviour is simply a reflection of societal norms and a deep-seated sense of self-centredness. Being socially accepted, praised, and appreciated, this action holds great value in the eyes of society. From the very instant a child enters the world, we commence processes of moulding them towards self-centricity. We hold the perspective that self-centredness is the ultimate representation of an ideal life, which is why we think this way. Moreover, we discourage them from scrutinising our decisions, actions, mistakes, and misdeeds, which were all driven by our own self-centred character. The meaning of family values extends only as far as one's self-centredness. Since day one, we have made a conscious decision to disregard and not prioritise family values. Negativities, cavities, and cruelty are perpetuated from one generation to the next.
Our society, which is already inclined towards self-centricity, is steadily moving towards an even greater emphasis on self, surpassing previous generations in terms of self-centricity. Instead of solely emphasising the happiness of welcoming the child, in place of discussions regarding a harmonious and mutually complementary parenting approach, and.exploring ways to deepen the extended family bonds so as to establish a strong support system that will benefit the child. Probably unintentionally, was discouraged that having a child is a burden and tiresome. While many individuals appreciate the suggestions made by the nurse, it is important to recognise that these sessions have a deep impact on one's subconscious, perspective, and psychological makeup, sometimes resulting in unforeseen outcomes such as the breakdown of marriages, revised visions of parenting, and transformed family values. Pregnant individuals, particularly those who are experiencing motherhood for the first time, often feel scared and insecure about various aspects. They are eager to learn and absorb every piece of information you provide in childbirth and parenting. It is unnecessary to fill the minds of expectant parents with negativity. The majority of individuals in society today are already deeply immersed in a self-centric mindset, where an alarming level of insensitivity and unaccountability prevails. Paradoxically, by these type sessions, we are encouraged to further cultivate and adopt self-centricity.
The fundamental causes behind the perception of parenting as a burdensome task and the resulting exhaustion, as well as reactionary behaviour towards our partners, can be attributed to these sessions and community mentalities that prioritise self-centricity. Furthermore, it is widely believed in our society that the role of parenting revolves mainly around satisfying fundamental necessities such as providing food, taking care of physical health, and teaching children basic information, all in an effort to uphold a false image of social conformity. Instead of placing importance of fostering deeper values, our focus lies in instructing our children in the skills of pretending, lying, acting, and manipulation, reflecting our own character. The nurse missed an opportunity to mention that the act of feeding and physically caring for children is actually supported by nature. Nevertheless, the true essence of being a good person requires a child to have the unwavering support of mutual and complementary parenting with equity and harmony, as well as a strong network of family, friends, and community.
To ensure a genuine welcome for the new life, we should introspect our emotional cavities, negative conditioning, ingrained reflections, and embracing a parenting style that values equity and harmony. It should be a matter of delving into our deeper values, moving beyond ingrained conditioning, and learning from the grave mistakes of our parents and others. We have a responsibility to exert sincere efforts to safeguard our children from the negative conditioning, Ingrained Engulfed Reflections of our cavities, and haunted parenting. We must understand that a child is not a burden, a toy, or a pet.
Chapter TWO
Ingrained Engulfed Reflections of Subconscious cavities
Example of a father
(In this Chapter Two, the content is organised into nine distinct sections, providing a comprehensive overview. In these nine sections, the first eight sections revolve around a father as the focal point of the discussion. When looking around in society, one can easily spot many examples of the type of personality discussed. Even though the example of one father is given, resembling this kind of mentality is possible for any mother or father, regardless of the gender.)
One individual, of a highly self-centred mindset, engaged in multiple marriages and became a father to children with some of his partners. It is likely that he believed that living life in this manner was the right way of life, and that it was a personal decision for him to live this way. The person enters into marriage, vowing to live a life of unwavering commitment and faithfulness to their spouse. For many years, they build a life together, nurturing their children along the way. This man begins engaging in a simultaneous extramarital affair, even fathering children with his new partner. As the old marriage collapses, it leaves a bitter taste and emotional cavities in the minds of his life-partner and children. His intense self-centredness and lack of accountability towards anyone other than himself causes him to prioritise his own interests over those of his life-partner and children. In the hypothetical scenario, suppose this person's mindset was not self-centric and has accountability towards his life partner and children. The chances of him having an extramarital relation are highly improbable. Self-centricity, arrogance, an unwillingness to admit to serious mistakes, and a lack of effort to rectify those mistakes are the primary causes behind the dissolution of almost all broken marriages.
This person believes himself a great father because he supported children's school fees, and other expenses, gives gifts to children, and occasionally invites them to eat food at his house or in a restaurant. He wants to condition children in such a way that children should consider him a great father. This person believes he has been a great and accountable father because his children are earning money and have good degrees. However, let's imagine a scenario where his children were brought up in a developing country lacking world-class institutions, adequate educational opportunities, and proper healthcare facilities. Many millions of students participate in competitive exams, where there are only a couple of hundred seats available. Considering the inner stressed mental and emotional conditions, what did the future hold for his children? Therefore, any educational accomplishments or successful careers that his children attained were solely a result of their own capabilities. While some of these children are fortunate to have life partners who supported and motivated them to pursue higher degrees and secure good jobs, it begs the question: what has been the father's role and accountability, in the sense of true and deeper values & accountability?
There are many examples like him, we do this with our children since parents separate. It is accepted as societal norms and greatly appreciated, because most of us self-centric thus do not want to be accountable in the true sense for our decisions and actions, thus we have been defining & establishing family and life values based on self-centricity. We force children to train and condition themselves to be like us, to be adoptive with what we are doing. We do not sacrifice our arrogance and self-centricity for our children. On the contrary, we make children sacrifice a lot for us, rather than we sacrifice for them. Instead of feeling guilt or shame, we take pride in this; we praise and appreciate each other as great parents. Actually, we are very cruel. We do not care about the deep and life-impacting cavities that develop in our children caused by us.
The person's spouse, who was the mother of his children, went through the transformation in thinking and mindset as results of major shocks. She reached the point where she no longer believes in the act of believing. She reached the point where she no longer believes in the existence of deep emotional connections and instead chosen to live in a way that conditions her to disconnect herself from others all at once, this negativity is subconsciously learned by her children too. The feeling of regret consumed her as she thought that she should have been more assertive in controlling her husband and correcting him. Because this shock was so epochal in life, there were inevitably be a series of reactions and negative consequences that undoubtedly have profound effects on the mindsets of children.
These situations go beyond the dichotomy of right and wrong. If we possess honesty, rational wisdom, and objective sensitivity, and if we view ourselves as individuals who live by values, it is imperative that we acknowledge and analyse the various other aspects. Children possess an innate capacity to adapt to whatever situation comes their way. Judging by their outward presentation, it appears that everything is going well and has been carefully planned. But, our failure to consider the internal ramifications stems and our inability to fathom the transformative power of Ingrained Engulfed Reflections, creates enormous life-impacting deep emotional cavities and conditionings in the deep minds of children. In any case, it is highly unlikely that an individual who is self-centric, arrogant, unwilling to admit their mistakes, and lacks the inclination to rectify them, would possess the necessary sensitivity and thoughtfulness to consider the potential negative effects on children, whereas children's lives are lifetime-haunted.
If any child of this person were to say that you are self-centric, manipulative, insensitive, and cruel. Instead of comprehending the profound emotional and mental anguish experienced by the children, this person would interpret these statements in an extremely negative manner. Because this person's perspective on life is centred around self-centricity and prioritising personal desires, which he believes is the true purpose of living. Consequently, this individual views himself as a commendable and responsible father, despite lacking complete accountability for his children. He justifies his belief by considering the provision of essential needs like food and clothing as a form of accountability towards them. So, if this person's children were to accuse him of being self-centric, manipulative, and cruel, he does not reflect on his own self-centricity, manipulative tendencies, and cruelty; instead, he perceives these accusations as an attack on his self-esteem, and abuses. If children tend to be greedy in nature. They use manipulative admiration for this person, to fulfil their own selfish desires, which ultimately leads to the father endorsing undeserved recognition as a great parent.
2.1 No integrality in the life-companionship
The self-centricity, arrogance, and refusal to acknowledge and rectify serious mistakes of such a person shatters any chance of harmony within the family. Children are haunted by Ingrained Engulfed Reflections, causing having contrary attitudes towards life and fostering inherent cruelty. It is paradoxical that, despite this, they stubbornly uphold their belief in their own greatness, pride, and superiority. If this person has a son, there could be a few outcomes. The son might adopt his father's self-centric behaviour and not feel obligated to be accountable to his children and spouse. He could follow in his father's footsteps and be cruel. But, if the son is thoughtful, he may recognise his father's mistakes and learn from them, understanding what he should not do with his own children and spouse. In this scenario, he would strive to be honest, accountable and devoted to his children and spouse. But, people like this self-centric father have high impact reactionary influences on their daughters. Daughters, except for those who are exceptions, are greatly impacted by such cases in a negative way. When it comes to exceptions, it is important for individuals to possess the vision to identify blunders, learn from them, and make genuine efforts to overcome Ingrained Engulfed Reflections by consistently reflecting and introspecting on their actions, decisions, and self-centricity. The majority of daughters who have fathers like this end up living their lives influenced by deep-seated cavities of Ingrained Engulfed Reflections. They become so conditioned that their whole life is haunted, unable to live in harmony and integrity with their spouse, unable to understand the need of integral-parenting for their children. Although they are severely conditioned, they keep controlling their spouses, correcting their spouses, no matter how honest, thoughtful and nice their spouse is, no matter how devoted to her, no matter how trustful to her; they always make big efforts to control them, correct them according to their mindsets. Apart from household work, they do not know the meaning of family equity and harmony. Above all, they consider themselves rational, thoughtful, dedicated, objective and thus live in the arrogance of superiority and discriminative mentality. Although always pretending in-front of others with the most efforts as thoughtful, rational, righteous, are different in their real characters.
Despite the outward appearance of normalcy, the daughters due to the emotional scars of their father's actions and Ingrained Engulfed Reflections, which have ingrained within them unconscious conditioning that renders them unable to accept their chosen life partners since the first day. Even after spending many years together, they consistently reject their life-partners and are unable to establish a genuine sense of connectivity and dedication. Since they are never able to devote themselves to their spouse, they are unable to live in faith, never interest themselves in life-love. With no valid reasons, they persistently correct their spouse, control them, driven by their self-centricity and deeply ingrained cavities' reflections. They present themselves to others as humble, thoughtful, rational, objective, righteous, etc. But in real life, they reject their spouse from the first day. To do this, they use lies and manipulation, not taking their spouse into confidence, not believing in harmony. Being very insensitive, they live in the conceit of considering themselves extremely sensitive. Over time, they start moving towards inner cruelty for their life-partners. As the father, even being very self-centric and unaccountable, used to smile and talk to his daughter, inquired about care, gave gifts, gave money and facilitated her. So unconsciously learning from her father, she considers doing this is as being the accountable life partner, and takes pride above all that she is not like his father. Given their limited comprehension and knowledge, children interpret ongoing events as customary elements of life, assimilating these techniques on a subconscious level and adapting accordingly. As a result, the majority of people rarely exhibit strong and serious opposition towards their fathers. Their established beliefs and conditioning led them to hold the belief that the father is committed, dedicated, and accountable. The father resides in a state of conceit, holding onto the belief that he is an exceptional father, regardless not doing any objective evaluation. Despite the absence of a truly devoted and integral connection with their spouses, these daughters firmly hold the belief that they are exceptionally committed, dedicated, and deeply accountable as spouses. Because their spouse does not protest or accept the situation after sporadic opposition, these daughters view it as a form of endorsement, reaffirming their dedication as a spouse.
The Ingrained Engulfed Reflections they gained from observing their fathers' actions unconsciously govern for not trusting husbands wholeheartedly, because they cannot be trusted, and therefore, the husbands must be controlled and corrected. Even for the life partner who is a thoughtful and valued person, possesses an ability to unwavering tolerance, love, and trust throughout the life, even confronted with significant and grave mistakes made by the spouse, he shows complete acceptance towards the spouse. At the beginning, he protests, but when he realises that rationality and thoughtfulness do not have any positive effect, he starts to accept the situations as they are just like that. But, rather than appreciating the depth of the love, devotion, sacrifice, and thoughtfulness of her life-partner, the spouse feels that her method is right, what she is doing is the correct way, and she has won. To her, it does not matter what the spouse feels; deeper life values have no meaning for self-centricity. Without even realising it, she subconsciously contemplates leading a similar life to what she observed their parents' living; many people in society share this mindset, regarding it as a way of life without ever questioning it. Because of the profound impacts their father has had on them, these daughters have unconscious mind cavities and Ingrained Engulfed Reflections that prevent them from experiencing the profound dedication and commitment of being a life partner. The profound principles and morals that life encompasses are ultimately meaningless for them. The consequence of this is that self-centricity gradually transforms into cruelty. Lack the understanding of the integral nature of life-companionship; completely clueless about it.
For those of us who do not have a healthy relationship with our mother or father or have had negative experiences with them, it is only natural to have a desire to be different from them. Nevertheless, if we tend to be excessively self-centric and evade the responsibility of acknowledging the consequences of our decisions and conduct, we unknowingly adopt the characteristics of our parents. Usually, we become more cruel and wrongdoing, surpassing even our parents' actions, yet we hold on to the belief that we are fundamentally different from them. Hence, it is crucial that we adopt an objective approach in evaluating the subtle rationales behind our actions and decisions.
2.2 No integral-parenting
Because of the reflections that have become deeply ingrained, they face difficulty in accepting their spouse in totality from the moment they get married. As a result, some of these individuals never truly accept their partner, also unknowingly subjecting them to emotional abuse and damaging their self-esteem. The presence of ingrained reflections is so pervasive among these individuals that, when they become a mother, they perceive their spouse through these reflections. This haunts them to associate their partner with the negative images of their own father, prompting them to intensify their efforts in controlling and correcting their spouse for the sake of their child's well-being. Instead of viewing him as the father of the child, they perceive him as a mere babysitter-assistant, undermining the concept of integral parenting right from the start.
Under the influence of their fathers' negativity, they become completely blind to see that their spouse could have the capacity to comprehend parenting sensibly. They hold a steadfast belief that they alone possess the qualities of honesty, commitment, love, and vision necessary to provide exceptional parenting for their child. But, contrary to their belief, they are unaware of the fundamental fact that they lack original thinking. They tend to imitate the actions and attitudes of others, viewing the happenings and dynamics of their surroundings as a model for both life and parenting. Their failure to understand the true meaning of family results in their inability to grasp the fundamental importance of being a life partner and the essentiality of holistic, integral parenting in a child's development.
2.3 Self-Esteem and Emotional-Abuse
Ingrained reflections of cavities govern the mindsets of daughters of such fathers, causing them to perceive a negative reflection of their fathers in their husbands. Consequently, many of these daughters are unable to fully embrace and accept their spouses from the moment they enter into marriage. The absence of introspection leads to a lack of vision, which in turn hinders the analysis of the decisions they make. They have not taken the initiatives to learn through introspection objectively. Hence, without embracing their partner completely, they opt to maintain a cohabitation arrangement. They are of the opinion that living in this manner equates to experiencing the true essence of life-companionship. If the spouse possesses thoughtfulness, values, a deep understanding of love, and recognises the importance of integrity and commitment in a lifelong partnership, then he continues in the journey of life with a hope that maybe one day things will be better. As time passes, he gradually puts an end to his resistance towards these matters, causing them to believe that their life partners have come to understand, resulting in a harmonious and thriving companionship. Nevertheless, the grave problems emerge when they become parents. Due to the deeply ingrained engulfed reflections within her, as she found herself unable to fully accept her life partner. The same, since becoming a mother, subconsciously she again finds herself unable to perceive her life-partner as a sincere, devoted, and thoughtful father of her child due to the overwhelming influence of deeply ingrained and engulfing reflections. Without realising it, she becomes unable to accept her life partner as a dedicated and sincere father of the child, failing to comprehend his role and rights, and instead perceiving him as a mere babysitter who must adhere to her directives for childcare.
In contrast, if the life-partner is inclined towards seriousness and has faced significant negativity from his parents, he engages in regular introspection to shield himself from the deeply embedded emotional scars. By doing so, he consciously prepares himself to become a responsible and sensitive father. He strongly believes that it is his responsibility to provide his child with the best possible upbringing, ensuring that the child remains cavity-free and prevented from being haunted by ingrained cavities of the child's parents. Not only does he have a sincere intention to share his life experiences, but he is also fully dedicated to his offspring. In this way, he starts to reject the idea of being confined to the role of a babysitter, as his primary objective is to establish a stronger and integral family, by holistic and thoughtful parenting. As a result of the ingrained engulfed reflections, her acceptance of him as her life partner with complete integrity has always been lacking. Consequently, after becoming the father, when he starts resisting, his acts of resistance are interpreted as insults to her self-esteem and emotional abuse, rather than efforts to understand the underlying reasons behind his reactions. Moreover, his unwavering devotion and love for his child and family are overlooked, too.
Despite the fact that she has been constantly insulting her life-partner’s self-esteem and emotionally abusing him since the beginning, her self-centricity and arrogance have rendered her blind to her own actions and decisions. Viewing him as a babysitter rather than seeding integral-parenting is not only insulting to his self-esteem but also constitutes emotional abuse. Not living with integrality with her life-partner, has she not been insulting his self-esteem very seriously, not emotionally abusing? Because he comprehended the significance of being a life-partner with complete integrity, he willingly embraced his life-partner along with her flaws and inherent imperfections, and adapted accordingly. He should have been deeply appreciated, but self-centricity blinds her. However, once he becomes the father of a child, and because he has witnessed the profound effects of Ingrained Engulfed Reflections, he begins to resist. But, his acts of resistance are interpreted by her as insults to her self-esteem and emotional abuse.
Because of the deep entrenchment of Ingrained Engulfed Reflections of cavities in the subconscious, the serious insulting of self-esteem and emotional abuse inflicted by oneself towards others remains invisible. The reason behind this behaviour is actually rooted in self-centricity and ego. People often create excuses as a means to justify their negative decisions & wrongs, making them appear righteous and rational. When individuals become excessively self-centric and egoistic, they tend to avoid acknowledging or addressing their significant and grave mistakes, and for this we are prepared to go to extreme lengths, including fabricating elaborate falsehoods, manipulating circumstances, engaging in negative behaviours, causing destruction. We put tremendous effort into fabricating falsehoods, manipulating circumstances, etc, but we devote no sincere effort towards positive resolutions, which could easily be achieved with minimal exertion. However, because of the inherent wiring of our mindset, which revolves around self-centric negativity, we find ourselves incapable of pursuing positive resolution paths in life.
Should we not, as individuals who have been living with our life-partners for years and willingly accepted them into our lives, possess a fundamental understanding to comprehend the reasons behind the opposition and reaction? This seemingly simple thing, often avoided by many of us because of our fear that the serious mistakes we committed may be addressed, a situation we are keen on avoiding. The fear of losing control resists us from the acceptance of serious mistakes. People who have a self-centric mindset are incapable of living without a constant desire to control their life partners. They continuously attempt to mould their life partners according to their own mindsets, completely disregarding the concept of mutual understanding and integral-integrity. Moreover, if they have profound emotional and mental cavities resulting from their parents, this type of mindset becomes even more intensified. Without controlling, these individuals are unable to live the life-partner relationship with integrality. Therefore, when they feel that they will not be able to control or control is decreasing or will have to work very hard to control, then these people end the relationship, because they do not know how to foster coexistence and harmony. Moreover, this is the primary underlying factor that prevents these individuals from acknowledging and taking responsibility for their significant and grave errors, as well as their wrongdoings. They never seek forgiveness nor contemplate making amends.
When our spouse possesses thoughtfulness, trustworthiness, and the ability to accept us despite our continuous mistakes, there is nothing greater than mutually forgiving each other's errors and aiding one another in overcoming personal flaws, rather than prioritising self-centricity or arrogance. The sole requirement for participation is that individuals transcend their self-centricity and arrogance. The ability to do what has been described is something that only a few people can actually achieve. Individuals who prioritise themselves above all else often find it challenging to embrace concepts such as living harmoniously, being accountable, and practising integrality within their families. They feel very uncomfortable. Rather than seeking reconciliation, forgiveness, making amends, and rectifying the mistakes, their choice is to dismantle the family. They find comfort in their conditioned state of cavities, and they hold the belief that returning to their previous lifestyle would be a great thing. Their haunted state is so deep that they unconsciously experience feelings of insecurity when not living with negative conditionings, and Ingrained Engulfed Reflections of cavities. Their father's unconscious influence leads them to adopt a cruel mindset and disregard the values of family integrity and integrality. Moreover, they fail to recognise the necessity of integral parenting, and view the father of their children as nothing more than a babysitter.
When the life-partner opposes and reacts negatively to the cruel mindset, in which the father's commitment, dedication, and serious approach, and integral-parenting are rejected and insulted, and perceived him solely as a babysitter for the child. And, if his life-partner fails to make a genuine effort to understand the reasons behind his opposition and reaction, and instead interprets it as an insult to her self-esteem and emotional abuse, while simultaneously insisting on ending the relationship due to self-centricity, arrogance, and cruelty. From this, it is evident that there has been a complete lack of sincere commitment and reverence towards the life partner. It is quite apparent that, in her perspective, he is nothing but a sperm donor for her to get children. It is quite ironic that instead of acknowledging and rectifying her grave errors, she chooses to prioritise her self-centricity, arrogance, and cruelty. Furthermore, she mentally prepares herself for the notion that her spouse is merely a sperm-donor; and family-integrity, integral-parenting, and the father is not essential for her children. The depth of cavities in the subconscious, filled with engulfed reflections, is never introspective upon. The family and friends, because of their self-centric mentality too and not truly feeling accountable, often behave in a manner similar to gangs, thus there is a lack of individuals who can provide guidance and explain the gravity of the mistakes being made in one's life.
2.4 Mutuality?
People who possess a self-centric mindset tend to have a strong desire for control. Additionally, if these individuals are unconsciously influenced by deeply ingrained and engulfing reflections, their feelings of insecurity may arise when they are unable to exert control over their life-partner. Regardless of how cruel or negative or irrational their decisions may be, they take them in order to feel secure. Due to the absence of a practice of introspection and rectification, their level of cruelty gradually increases.
While they have never fully embraced their spouse with integrality, they hold a strong conviction that they have been a very considerate and understanding spouse. Living with a controlling mindset, they come to believe that their life-partner must agree or be expected to agree with whatever they do or decide. These individuals firmly believe that their mindset is superior and that it embodies the ideal way of life. According to them, everyone should either be like them or strive to be the same as them. Hence, due to their conviction that they are on the right path, they conclude that the consent of the person in front is implied. In the scenario where the person in front does not agree, it is evident that they are in the wrong, therefore, their disagreement should not hold any significance and should instead be regarded as mutual. These people call this concept, decision taken by the Mutuality. These individuals, in fact, rarely make any fundamentally important decisions in their lives with the mutuality, yet their continuous use of the term "mutual" convinces them that they consistently make decisions mutually. They mask their decision-making process as one driven by mutuality, but in reality, it is based on cruelty, manipulation, discrimination, self-centricity, and arrogance. Some of these people even make the most serious negative and destructive decisions in life unilaterally, their spouses remain completely oblivious to these decisions. Even before informing their life-partners, they make it a point to inform their family, friends, and neighbours about the decision. Just because they use the word "mutually," they believe that the decision has been made mutually. They perceive themselves as rational and sensitive, and they go to great lengths to maintain this image when interacting with others. Is it not an extreme and cruel mentality to think in such a perverse way?
It is an ironic reality that society not only accepts but also appreciates the perception of plausibility, while those who deviate from this way of thinking are unjustly regarded as inferior, backward, and even advised to seek therapy. Individuals who have not experienced the profound sense of responsibility and genuine commitment towards their partner can never comprehend the true essence of being a spouse. Without comprehending the genuine significance of mutuality in life-companionship, what can they truly know? The integrity of life-companionship is the quality of having a strong and unwavering commitment to one another in all aspects of life.
If we become excessively self-centric and arrogant, we do not want to admit our serious mistakes, do not apologise for them, lack the courage to rectify them, and fail to feel accountability for our decisions and actions. Once we begin to view self-centric, arrogant, and manipulative individuals as our role models, we not only seek their advice but also learn from them, and allow their influence to shape even the most significant decisions in our lives. The endorsement we receive from these individuals provides us with the justification. Consequently, our moral and conscious strength tends to weaken, regardless of how we try to portray ourselves as logical, moral, and empathetic in front of others.
2.5 Introspection, Stress, and Shutting-down-self
When we accept the serious mistakes we have made, make corrections, engage in introspection, and so on, we often experience internal stress caused by our ego. As a result of our societal conditioning that views stress as detrimental, although many of us use various tricks to present ourselves as rational and morally upright individuals in the eyes of others, but, in the quest to evade stress, they compromise a lot intrinsic values that are crucial for leading a meaningful and profound life. Our belief is that stress has detrimental effects on physical health, however, due to our self-centricity and arrogance, we find it difficult to acknowledge that the ego itself is a big stress and serves as the root cause of numerous stresses. Self-centricity, which is responsible for many emotional and mental stresses, serves as the root cause. Instead of making sincere efforts to manage our self-centricity and arrogance, we often choose to shut ourselves down emotionally, which leads us to become insensitive and adopt a cruel demeanour. However, because micro-metaphysical stress is not directly experienced, we tend to disregard its detrimental effects completely, despite the fact that micro-metaphysical stress is far more detrimental than visible stress.
The absence of an objective attitude, honesty, and courage to live by life values, and additionally being controlled by the ego, pretending to be nice in front of others, and conditioning that stress is harmful are all significant factors that prevent us from introspecting and acknowledging our serious mistakes. Consequently, we want to avoid correcting significant errors. The belief that stress has a negative impact on our physical health is deeply ingrained in our hearts, leading us to be willing to adopt behaviours that are insensitive, cruel, devoid of life values, hollow, ostentatious, just to avoid stress.
The presence of cavities filled with Ingrained Engulfed Reflections prevents us from establishing inner connections with others by depth, dedication, integrity, and accountability. It is ironic that even though our life partner is considerate and deeply loving, we do not trust them, whereas we have faith in individuals who are self-centric and lack life values, simply because we find comfort in their self-centric nature. The cavities of Ingrained Engulfed Reflections cause us to feel insecurity and stress when trying to escape from them. When it comes to introspection, accepting serious cavities, serious mistakes, and feeling accountability for our decisions and actions, we often find ourselves feeling very insecure. We start to feel like our existence is coming to an end, so we start shutting ourselves down from the possibilities of introspection, accepting serious mistakes, rectification, and even related discussions. Our journey towards cruelty commences when we fail to acknowledge the immense harm it yields. We often overlook the insidious nature of micro-metaphysical stress, given its lack of visibility. Consequently, we find ourselves descending into heightened negativity and pretentiousness on ideological, mental, and emotional levels, which consequently leads to a greater level of cruelty.
2.6 Mechanical-Attitude
These individuals lack a sense of intrinsic connection with anyone other than themselves, particularly when it comes to establishing a profound sense of accountability. All relationships, whether it be a life partner, parents, siblings, or friendships, are perceived as superficial by them. Since the bond between life partners can be easily severed without any valid justification, even the most trivial reasons can lead to the dissolution of the relationship. While blood-based relationships persist on the surface, there exists an underlying transaction of hidden expectations, leading to a relationship characterised by possession and societal expectations. It is common for individuals in such relationships including friendship to endorse each other in justifying negative behaviours done to others. In most cases, individuals in these relationships typically only have to live together on an occasional basis. On the other hand, if they are expected to spend prolonged periods of time together, being accountable for one another, these individuals often find these familial relations as very toxic. It is not an absolute requirement to always be in the company of friends, therefore the relevance of genuine accountability is negligible. However, if that is indeed the case, then it follows that relationships with them will also be unsuccessful. Regardless of the reasons given to justify, the underlying fact is that individuals who possess a strong self-centric nature tend to not feel profound accountability and internal connectedness. Their relationships and life vision are based on the combination of mechanical aspects and subjective perspectives.
Their perceptions regarding the family are so negative that if they are suggested that having more than one child is better than one child, then they even bear children with the person whom they abuse daily and hate. Family holds no value or importance in their perspective. Fatherhood does not hold greater importance than being a sperm donor or serving as a babysitter-assistant. Since they are providing their children with siblings, they proudly believe that they are creating a supportive and nurturing environment for their children. They also believe that they have made a significant sacrifice for their children by arranging for a sibling from someone they despise, as they believe it is necessary for the child to have siblings. The person whom they have strong feelings of dislike towards, they allow them to stay at home for a few hours daily or even become a flatmate, with the intention of having them assist in babysitting their children, as they believe being a father only involves limited responsibilities akin to that of a babysitter-assistant. Not only do they lack an understanding of the whole family, but they also lack an understanding of integral parenting. Their inner selves take on a mechanical and cruel nature, contrasting with their perception of themselves as sensitive and thoughtful individuals.
Psychology is centred around self-centricity, suggesting that having more than one child can be beneficial. However, it fails to address the concept of integral-parenting, which emphasises the importance of a complete family structure for the well-being of the child. The concept of integral-parenting and the whole family serves as a gateway to explore profound life values, which encompass accepting and taking responsibility for major mistakes, forgiving others for their significant errors without any lingering grudges or biases, and actively seeking to rectify and learn from those mistakes. However, if we choose to embrace life values, it becomes necessary for us to move away from the clutches of self-centricity and ego. If we choose to do this, we being self-centric will find ourselves in a state of great discomfort and stress. The presence of self-centricity and comfort as key factors in psychology renders the possibility of all this happening impossible.
Cruelty tends to be intensified by the presence of self-centricity, arrogance, hollowness of life values, and pretentiousness in a person's character. In the realm of psychology, a considerable amount of research is conducted, and this research prioritises subjectivity rather than objectivity. Individuals who possess a self-centric mindset tend to avoid engaging in introspection due to the potential discomfort and stress that it may bring. Individuals who fail to engage in objective analysis of the motives and justifications for their actions and decisions tend to possess a shallow understanding of their own psyche. Individuals who possess such characteristics are usually willing to implement what they have learned from popular psychology articles, adopt behaviours observed in others, establish a sense of indebtedness in the pursuit of awareness, and embrace anything that promises comfort, stress-relief, and self-centricity. Throughout the course of psychological research and development, the central focus has consistently revolved around the self-centric mindset.
2.7 Prejudice impertinence or Therapy?
The act of analysing and recalling past experiences leads to a continuous process of introspection, enabling individuals to avoid being controlled by deeply ingrained reflections. By this, it remains cognisant that I do not want to do it, but for this cognisant, analysis and memorisation should be done simultaneously and should be complementary. Those who are overly self-centric tend to have a shallow comprehension of psychology or no comprehension at all, often basing their understanding on misconceptions they have read or heard. They proudly declare themselves as psychological experts and generously provide suggestions to others. On the contrary, these people are governed by deeply ingrained engulfed reflections, resulting in them making significant and serious mistakes in their lives, and tragically, they persist in making even more serious mistakes without making any efforts to rectify them. Because their own mindset is built on the foundation of Ingrained Engulfed Reflections. As a result, they are of the opinion that the individual who assesses the negative events that unfolded in his life, not governed by Ingrained Engulfed Reflections, because he is not like them, thus he needs psychological therapy. Their lack of insight prevents them from realising that regardless of his thorough analysis of the negative experiences he endured, he remains unaffected by the ingrained engulfed reflections.
It was about two years ago when a woman shared her opinion that therapy would be beneficial for me. It is interesting to note that this woman had already arranged therapy for her partner, who had a past history of drug addiction. While advocating for therapy for everyone, this woman excludes herself from the recommendation. However, it should be mentioned that this woman displays a strong self-centric nature and often resorts to manipulating others in order to achieve what she wants. On the other hand, as it has the capability to wield more control over its partner, she often counsels her female friends and relatives, recommending therapy as a possible benefit for their partners. The way she presents it makes them think that their partners need therapy. Such suggestions and mindsets often appeal to those who possess a self-centric and controlling mentality. The implementation of this strategy eliminates the obligation to accept serious mistakes, make corrections, or rely on various manipulations to maintain control over one's partner. Hence, if anyone suggests that the partner needs therapy, it looks very appealing. However, despite the fact that the individuals, like this woman, are in dire need of therapy, they persist in spreading toxicity to those around them instead of seeking treatment for themselves. The insensitivity caused by the unaccountable level of self-centricity is not only cruel, but it is also highly toxic.
The fundamental query that needs to be addressed is the reason behind this woman's suggestion of therapy to me. The answer is — because I keep analysing the negative events of puberty from childhood in my life, and share with close people. By engaging in this practice, I can protect myself from the influence of Ingrained Engulfed Reflections, while also conducting regular self-introspection to ensure that I am not unconsciously adopting the traits of my parents. While my parents have consistently shown themselves to be self-centric, arrogant, horribly insensitive, and cruel towards me, they have mastered the art of projecting an image of commendable, sensitive, and righteous individuals to the outside world. Upon learning that I was going to become a father, I deliberately embarked on a journey of constant introspection, with the purpose of ensuring that I would not emulate my parents' behaviour to my child. If I were to be the same as my parents, what difference would there be between them and myself, considering that I know they were wrong with me? I learned how not to be; I learned not to be haunted by their mindset and conditioning and cavities, because I analyse what they did, so that I would not do that to my child at all. Aside from this, when I was a teenager, I had decided that I would commit my existence to free society from all the negativity that exists in order to alleviate the mental and emotional burdens that millions of children carry. If I had desired to achieve success in my career, amass a significant fortune, and settle in a materialistically advanced country like America or Germany, I could have moved to live there, could have led a self-centric life. It was easy for me to do all this. The decision to prioritise oneself and adopt a self-centric mindset is always a simple and easy choice. However, regardless of how easy and tempting it may be, and even if everyone else is doing it, I strongly dislike living that is wrong.
Being accountable is an extremely challenging task, as it is quite effortless to become self-centric. However, even if we lack the courage to be accountable for our decisions, actions, and behaviours towards society, we should, at the very least, feel a genuine sense of accountability towards our children. Consequently, it becomes imperative to halt the incessant flow of negativity. Why should my next generation endure the same suffering I did? Why can't I let go of my ego, cavities and mentality of controlling for their sake? If I cannot do this, then what is the purpose of my life being a parent? An individual either learns what should not be done or imitates from the Ingrained Engulfed Reflections. We are trained and conditioned to use our willpower, logical power, and life energy to walk on negativity and rejections, that we become incapable of even a small portion of it for resolution and positivity. The reason we lack the ability to think and analyse effectively is because we have not received the training, nor we see societal models in our surroundings. This lack of guidance is further compounded by the prevalence of self-centric people and mindsets in our society. We feel the real meaning of life in self-centricity, and by this mindset we become very cruel, continue to live in confusion, contrariness and hypocrisy, transfer our children Ingrained Engulfed Reflections, and make their lives haunted too.
In order to maintain an objective vision, it is essential to remember and analyse the negative events that have shaped one's life. Engaging in all this serves as the most effective therapy. The limitations of university degrees in psychology become apparent when one realises that they are incapable of addressing all the complexities involved. Additionally, it is crucial to recognise that the field of psychology is still in its embryonic stage, lacking proper development. Furthermore, adopting a solely mechanical and superficial approach in psychology is inherently cruel.
2.8 Generation to generation
The organised cruelty we inflict upon our own children is disregarded because we made our systems and structures to prioritise ourselves, placing us at the centre. Furthermore, we have made significant progress in developing and defining psychology, always considering ourselves as the central focus. We consider this our being progressiveness, to be aware, to move forward, to be accountable for ourselves. Through emotional, ideological, and mental training, children are conditioned to adopt our mindset, thereby providing validation for our self-centricity and affirming the righteousness of what we did and what we do. We not only make up psychological definitions, but we also fabricate psychological research. Our children are not the centre of our life; instead, we see them as a source of entertainment. Just like we care for our pet dog and cat, we approach raising our children with some distinctions.
They saw that they met their father occasionally, sitting together sometimes in a year to eat and drink something. From their early years or teenage hood, or since their parents separated, they have been consistently involved in this. While it is deemed socially acceptable and appreciated to base everything, including family, society, life-values, and psychology, on self-centricity, it is crucial to acknowledge that this approach is not the parenting that upholds integrity and integrality. We directly/indirectly train and condition our children with the aim of making them adapt our actions and conform to our ways. Our refusal to prioritise children is evident in our unwillingness to sacrifice our arrogance and self-centricity. Contrarily, it is the children who are often required to make sacrifices for us. We take pride in our manipulation and cruelty, endorsing each other as great parents, agreeing with each other and pretending to stand together. Basically, all these prove that we are very cruel. We do not find the cavities that we develop inside our children to be a matter of concern because we ourselves grew up with cavities inherited from our parents, leading us to believe that this is simply a part of life, thus most of us have no intention of putting an end to it. Our lives are consumed by ego, leading us to do anything to satisfy our self-centric desires. We raise children by facilitating them, giving gifts, luring, giving bribes, and life goes by. Children are forced to adapt, learning from our guidance as we mould them accordingly. When it comes to parenting, only the physical care and superficial issues are typically taken into consideration. We shy away from serious accountability of keeping children at the centre, and for this we create arguments, psychological definitions and concepts.
The father did not put the children at the centre, because of his self-centricity. His children learn to keep self-centricity at the centre. By developing their vision, children can learn to prioritise rationality and values over self-centricity, but it takes courage and a willingness to break free from self-centricity and ingrained thought patterns. If one does not engage in introspective analysis, this cannot be achieved. The father's lack of basic integrity prevents him from honestly and sincerely discussing and apologising for his major errors in life with his children. Even if he feels trapped in the intricate maze of life, unable to navigate his way out or make amends for his errors, yet he could sincerely express remorse for his actions, but he does not even do this. If the father does this much, then the children at least get the message that what their father did was wrong; they should not be influenced by their father; furthermore, they may get inspired to do introspection. However, the father continues to remain absorbed in his self-centricity, deriving pleasure from his ego and residing in the arrogance of believing himself to be a remarkable father. His sense of pride grows even stronger when he observes his children emulating him, as by this, he feels his actions are justified. Throughout his life, the father never experienced feelings of guilt and never felt the need to seek forgiveness. Instead of acknowledging the truth, he persists in feigning greatness for what he did. An individual must cultivate an honest mindset in order to effectively convey the apologies. Individuals who do not possess genuine remorse are incapable of extending genuine forgiveness. Children, too, adopt this mindset, they also never show remorse for their serious and significant mistakes, refusing to acknowledge any wrongdoing. The expectation of rectification becomes something that is beyond what we can even imagine.
Since a significant number of individuals have experienced the presence of parents in their lives who prioritise their own ego and self-centricity over their own children, it is common for us to grow up in such an environment. In addition, if we possess self-centricity and arrogance, we might initially believe that we will not replicate our parents' behaviour, but because of our egotistical nature, we remain self-centric and unapologetic for the significant errors we make. As time goes by, these things accumulate and form a substantial negative pile that eventually leads us to prioritise our ego and self-centricity over our own children. Just like our parents did with us, we do the same with our children. The reason we feel justified is because we observe that the many people in our surroundings are doing the same. Our perspective is that living life in this manner is the ultimate way to find joy and fulfilment. Our perspective undergoes a complete reversal when we let go of ego and self-centricity, a realisation we can only achieve by allowing ourselves to be free from these constraints. However, because of the conditioning we have received since childhood and our lack of introspection as adults, it becomes impossible for us to develop this ability. Furthermore, the negative-conditioning and cavities that we have uncovered are also transmitted to our children. It is ironic that we feel a sense of pride in this situation. Not only did we not observe family values in our parents, but we also neglected to reflect on them ourselves, as our introspection was hindered by self-centricity, arrogance, and deeply Ingrained Engulfed Reflections of cavities.
The perception among these children becomes that, as parents and members of a family, avoiding accountability and embracing self-centricity are crucial aspects of life. Just like their parents, they continue to raise their children in the same manner, firmly believing that this is the ideal way of life. By being self-centric, we deprive ourselves of the chance to engage in introspection and profound analysis that can help us break free from the influences of cavities of Ingrained Engulfed Reflections. This avoidance is rooted in our discomfort and fear of confronting our own ego, which can lead to stress and inner turmoil. In order to avoid stress and inner conflict, individuals with a self-centric mentality often resort to becoming heartless, cruel, and pretending values. This is a result of the prevailing belief that internal struggle is inherently negative. In order to justify self-centricity, individuals employ various methods to condition their mindsets.
The poisonous effects of a person's self-centricity can have long-lasting consequences that impact multiple generations. If an individual can break free from the chains of self-centricity and the tangled maze of deeply ingrained cavities, only then could start moving towards positive resolution and protecting generations from cavities; however, if not, the situation will continue to escalate, becoming even more perilous. The negative influence on future generations' vision of life has a direct impact on their concepts and beliefs about life values. The haunted experiences that children go through have a profound impact on their outlook on life. From one generation to another, conditioning and reflexes are transmitted and carried forward. We have become so cruel that, driven by our arrogance, we intentionally separate families from their children. We do not value the integrality and integrity in the family. To endorse self-centricity, insensitivity, cruelty and unaccountability, we create informal cliques comprising like-minded individuals who validate each other's behaviour, and we perceive ourselves as remarkable. In our perspective, we view our cruelty as a manifestation of our unwavering determination and self-awareness, leading us to perceive ourselves as righteous. We often become so consumed with ourselves, assuming and contradicting, to the point where our actions, no matter how incorrect, appear justified. When individuals become self-centric, they often become irrational, insensible, and cruel, without ever realising the extent of their change.
When a parent is self-centric, it can have a profound impact on the mentality and life vision of not only their own life but also the lives of future generations, leading to the formation of emotional cavities and negative conditioning that can last a lifetime. Instead of sincerely apologising and taking responsibility, we choose to behave as if we have been an exceptional parent and have done nothing wrong but the great. Bribing, purchasing items, spending money, and keeping children busy are often perceived as effective parenting strategies by the self-centric parents. In order to accept mistakes, it is necessary to cultivate a broader vision that transcends ego, self-centricity, and discrimination. One should strive to avoid being influenced by the narrow-mindedness and superiority complex associated with ego, self-centricity, and discrimination, and instead approach situations with thoughtfulness and an open mentality. The difficulty lies because we become very accustomed to living our lives guided by these negative characteristics. Nevertheless, we hold the belief that we are not discriminatory, irrational, or driven by selfish motives.
The pattern continues endlessly, with each iteration growing more and more brutal. The impact of one self-centric person can be detrimental and have lasting negative effects for multiple generations. When an individual prioritises self-centricity and ego over their family, the consequences ripple through multiple generations, resulting in internal suffering and a loss of life values. Despite their pretence of sensitivity, they, in their true nature, become cruel more and more. If the next generation does not break the mazes of self-centricity, egotism, and discriminatory attitudes, then they would pass on negativities to their children too, albeit with different appearances. Consequently, the cycle of negativity would persist and be perpetuated from one generation to the next. But, by engaging ourselves in sincere introspection and being steadfast in our resolve to prevent the transmission of subconscious cavities to our children, we can easily put an end to this cycle. Making a conscious effort to prioritise our children and embrace the integrity and integrality of family and parenting, rather than being self-centricity and driven by our egos, would ultimately lead to an easier and more fulfilling life.
“Children have no choice but to adapt, conform and follow their parents. They do not know what is happening and why it is happening; directly or indirectly, they are forced to see according to the vision of the mother or father with whoever they live with, or whoever has a commanding mentality; in place of integral-parenting. Because children are adaptable, the foundation of their perspective is formed by what we communicate to them. Because of their adaptability, over time, we start to feel that everything is normal, that there are no cavities formed, and that we have complete control over the situation, everything progresses smoothly. The lack of sincere introspection and contemplation regarding our decisions and behaviours prevents us from recognising the true extent of our own internal flaws and the profound ways in which they haunt our life and perspectives. Due to our lack of sight, we are unable to perceive the existence of severe cavities within ourselves, and we are also unaware of the fact that these cavities are being passed on to our children on a deeper level. As these children grow older and reflect upon their childhood and teenage years, a strong sense of resistance and resentment develops within them. Consequently, the majority of individuals develop a tendency to be controlling, lacking sensitivity in their true nature, highly self-centric, and placing their own egos above everything, even not prioritising their children. Despite this, there are individuals who go against the norm and actively work towards improving society and being exemplary parents, ensuring cavities are not transferred to children. There is no requirement for complex scientific understanding in order to comprehend these elements; all that is necessary is for us to introspect ourselves with honesty and objectivity, and to engage in the analysis of our decisions and actions.”
2.9 Repentance and revitalisation vs. lack of foundational values
Acceptance, Apology, Forgiveness and Rectification
Making mistakes, including serious ones, is a natural part of being human as we are unconsciously or consciously influenced by our parents, family, and society since childhood. While the conditioning process has very significant impacts on shaping the life attitudes of the majority of individuals, there are some thoughtful people who are able to resist its influence, making it clear that the extent to which one is affected by conditioning depends on their individual personality. Consequently, it is of utmost importance for individuals to sincerely express remorse for their own errors, as well as to demonstrate sincere forgiveness towards the errors made by others. The absence of true remorse often correlates with an inability to forgive. When it comes to human relations, nothing is more crucial than sincerely apologising and forgiving, as these actions reflect our core life values. Being genuinely apologetic entails not only expressing remorse but also actively seeking forgiveness and taking steps to rectify the situation.
Although, since early childhood, or right from the moment a child comes into existence, we start their training in the usage of words such as excuse, sorry, and pardon. We believe that incorporating these words into our behaviour is a way to demonstrate humility, decency, rationality, sensitivity, the ability to accept mistakes and apologise for them, as well as showing accountability for our actions. Despite undergoing these mechanical training, it is important to ponder whether we truly embody the qualities of humility, sensitivity, rationality, apologetic-ness, and accountability. We employ these words in a repetitive and mechanical fashion to describe even for the most trivial actions and behaviours, as we hold the belief that doing this demonstrates our humility, rationality, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and accountability which ultimately evokes a sense of pride within us. We hold the belief that individuals who do not incorporate these types of words are inferior to us.
It is contradictory that even though we pride ourselves on possessing qualities such as humility, rationality, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and a willingness to acknowledge our faults, we are paradoxically unable to feel any remorse or accept accountability for the significant mistakes we make, which can result in the destruction of the lives of even our loved ones. Rather than demonstrating accountability and remorse, we continue to exert tremendous energy in the negative direction, remaining entangled in our ego.
When an individual consistently uses words like "Sorry," "Please," and "Excuse me" since their early childhood, saying them hundreds of times per day, they can develop a dependence on these words, often without sincerely meaning them. As a consequence, they end up being evaluated by others and simultaneously forming judgments about others, all predicated upon the use of these words as indications of politeness, modesty, and civility. By continuing to use these words without genuinely practising humility, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and accountability, are we not gradually becoming more and more insensitive? Can one consider this as truly embodying the qualities of politeness and humility? The chances of the person not being polite or humble are higher, indicating a greater likelihood of a crueller and more intricate personality.
From the moment children are born, parents are actively teaching their children words such as excuse, sorry, and pardon. Even though many of these parents make serious and substantial mistakes, what makes it even worse is their complete lack of remorse or accountability because of self-centricity and arrogance, even in situations where these errors have a life-impacting effect on their own children. With the exception of a few, often we make serious and substantial mistakes towards their spouse and children, influenced by our self-centricity and arrogance. Despite their continuous perpetration of invisible cruelty, insensitivity, and negativity, we persist in denying our serious mistakes. In spite of accepting our serious mistakes, we willingly prioritise our ego. There are numerous individuals among us who exhibit dangerously self-centric tendencies, being egoists to such an extent that they refuse to acknowledge or accept the grave mistakes they commit towards their life-partners and children. Instead of facing our actions with sincere apologies, making amends, and feeling true accountability, we choose to break relationships, friendships, and family ties, even without considering the long-lasting impact it has on our children's psychological well-being and subconscious minds. Our refusal to acknowledge our mistakes and show true accountability is a severe issue that questions our honesty and sincerity towards our family and children. In addition, children have the ability to see, learn and imitate the hollowness of their parents and family in their subconscious, thus most of them do the same, transfer generation to generation.
The reason behind our failure to teach our children about accepting, apologising, and rectifying serious mistakes is our own lack of knowledge and practice in these areas. Furthermore, our parents, family, and society have also neglected to educate us in these important aspects. Thus, most of us do not have the courage to accept, apologise and rectify our serious mistakes. Unbeknownst to us, we are gradually succumbing to a lifestyle characterised by lies, manipulation, and pretence. Despite our belief that we are not cruel, our actions tell a different story, as we unwittingly become more and more cruel.
There are many people who, instead of accepting and correcting their serious mistakes, instead of apologising for the serious mistakes made with their life partner, instead of correcting them, break the relationship. Many people look for another partner and then for some time try not to repeat the mistakes made with the previous one, but since we do not introspect with seriousness and honesty. Thus, with some trivial changes, they fall back on the same path. If we only knew how to do introspection, then why would arrogance and self-centricity get hampered in sincerely asking forgiveness, making corrections, and forgiving?
Despite any justifications provided, the fundamental factor behind this is the influence of ego and self-centricity. We tend to neglect the crucial aspect of seeking forgiveness from the person we have wronged, which results in a sense of hollowness in life-values. Most of us lack the courage to apologise and make amends to the person who has been seriously wronged. If we put forth the same amount of energy that we use for lies and manipulation into being genuinely apologetic, forgiving, and rectifying, we could easily resolve issues. However, our parents and society have not provided us with the necessary training for this. Instead, we have been trained to prioritise our self-centricity, to be arrogant and cruel. As a result, we find safety and comfort in maintaining these traits due to the deep-rooted influence of our subconscious. Moreover, we pass on this same conditioning to our children as well.
It is of utmost importance that we demonstrate the courage to acknowledge our faults, sincerely apologise, and commit to making amends for the serious mistakes we have made towards those we have wronged. Even when we have the awareness that we have erred but choose not to accept, apologise, or rectify our decisions/actions towards those we have wronged, it demonstrates that our ego and fear of losing control hold more importance to us than being humble, apologetic, rational, and genuinely thoughtful. Consequently, our ego, self-centricity, and conditioned beliefs are given priority over justice and values. This is the reason why we fail to learn from our mistakes and refuse to change our negative attitude. Instead of doing that, we resort to learning manipulation, telling lies, and engaging in even more invisible cruel behaviour. Living in the constant impulses of our egos, we tend to become cruel as we neglect the important act of offering genuine apologies and making necessary corrections. Our children absorb and learn from us, not through the superficial apologies we teach them verbally, but through the genuine actions we display.
In order to live without pretence, it is important to not give priority to the ego, to remain unaffected by the negative sense of control freakiness. Then, there is no necessity for us to engage in deceit, manipulation, and pretence in order to appear rational and righteous in front of our family and friends. When one decides to adopt a lifestyle that is centred around profound values, they can cultivate a profound comprehension of the intricacies of life and the complexities of the human mind. On the other hand, when individuals choose to prioritise their own self-centricity and develop an arrogant disposition, the definition of life values undergoes a very negative shift.
We invest a significant amount of mental energy in engaging in destructive behaviours, creating distance from others, nurturing our ego, mentally preparing and training ourselves, seeking validation, and gaining endorsement from those around us. On the contrary, we are highly conditioned for not having the sincere intention of dedicating even the slightest amount of energy and sincere efforts towards fostering positivity. In contrast, we view the act of making efforts for positivity as a step backwards and hold a deep disdain for such consideration. Whereas if we possess a deep understanding and appreciation for integrity and integrality in both life-companionship and parenting, if we genuinely hold ourselves accountable to life-values, and if we are able to introspect distortions in our perception, then the only option of action is to accept our mistakes, engage in sincere repentance, and work towards revitalisation.
Chapter THREE
Our life-companionship & children
3.1 Children are not in our priority but Self-Centricity
In countries such as India, physical assault has historically been regarded as an acceptable form of parenting. However, at present, the younger generation who perceive themselves as knowledgeable and socially conscious are increasingly adopting Western societal norms. Due to the assumption that Western society is developed, it is considered ideal, and as a result, there has been a decrease in physical assault in countries like India. Societies that have historically been deemed as backward are actively striving for improvement by actively working to decrease instances of physical assault on children.
The act of conditioning children, which includes creating subconscious cavities, neglecting family integrity, and enforcing split parenting, is solely driven by the self-centricity and arrogance of those involved. The level of cruelty and violence involved in this is far greater than that of physical assault, and its effects continue to haunt children for generations, altering their perception and values towards life. Changing one's perspective has a profound impact not only on individuals, but also on the dynamics of families and the broader societal structure they contribute to. Physical violence against children is uncommon in Western society, but there is a prevalent issue with mental and emotional violence. What makes this situation ironic is that the established and conditioned definitions of values and psychology provide the justification for it. These efforts are made solely to avoid being held accountable for our arrogance and self-centricity. Backward societies are currently in the process of learning to refrain from physically assaulting children. However, the question arises: from whom will the western society learn to avoid mentally, emotionally, and ideologically assaulting children at a subconscious level? Will the western society learn from their mistakes, or will they continue to perpetuate serious violence against their children due to their arrogance and self-centricity?
It is a matter of contemplation whether our children are cursed or blessed. In societies such as India, parents have a tendency to condition their children based on their own conditioning. In Western society, parents tend to condition their children based on their own conditioning. Children have no choice but to adapt to the conditioning imposed on them by their parents. By offering comfort, protection, and engaging in fun activities that stimulate their minds, pets like dogs and cats can be kept happy and inclined to stay by our side. Whether we categorise it as Fun parenting, Advanced parenting, or any other label, we still handle our children in a similar manner under the guise of parenting. Children have the ability to observe, comprehend, and internalise the words, actions, and behaviours that we exhibit, which then shape their subconscious conditioning. It is us who build foundations for their conditioning. As children grow up, there are some exceptional cases where they are able to develop themselves independently, apart from being influenced by conditioning. However, achieving this requires a great deal of effort in overcoming the conditioning that exists within them. Due to their decision to walk in the opposite direction of the stream, they end up falling and being alone. In this situation, a lot of individuals might find themselves tempted to give up. However, there are a few individuals who choose to carry on by themselves because they are unwavering in their commitment to doing what is right and appropriate. With a deep sense of accountability towards society and future generations, they have made it their mission to ensure that their children do not bear the same indebtedness that they have endured.
Although some of us think that our parents made mistakes in their parenting, thus we are resolute in our determination to avoid repeating those mistakes and providing a better upbringing for our own children. However, if we possess a self-centric mentality, we unintentionally replicate our parents' parenting style through the deeply ingrained conditionings that remain unseen. Due to the fact that a significant number of us fail to engage in critical thinking and self-reflection about effective parenting methods, we often resort to imitating others and employing reactionary parenting styles (reactions to our parents), which unknowingly perpetuates the same flaws and shortcomings inherited from our own parents. Paradoxically, we take pride in our supposed uniqueness, yet this cycle continues, resulting in the proliferation of even more flaws, negativity, and emotional anguish in subsequent generations, ultimately fostering a culture of self-centricity. The trend of unchanged parenting practices persists, with only superficial modifications being made.
Until our children come into our lives, we continue to adjust and adapt to each other as life partners. Despite the fact that raising children involves significant adjustments and adaptations, because of our ego or ingrained cavities, we appear to have a strong opposition to live with the adjustments and adaptations. When it comes to accountability, a substantial amount of people actually have no interest in living with it. Many times, the presence of arrogance can act as a barrier that prevents individuals from recognising and acknowledging the serious mistakes that we have made. The needs of children, who are living individuals, encompass survival, security, amusement, and various infantile desires, thus they have a tendency to blindly follow and gain knowledge from those who successfully fulfil these needs. When it comes to parenting, most people tend to imitate and focus on the superficial aspects, but there exists only a small group of individuals who truly grasp the essence of parenting, and they are the ones who have dedicated their time and energy to nurturing this perspective. When one does not feel accountable, it becomes possible for serious mistakes to occur consecutively, granting individuals the freedom to act as they please. As a result, those who exhibit extreme self-centricity often make the decision to live alone with their child, as they find it more convenient to cohabitate without having to face any substantial accountability. These individuals, paradoxically, hold themselves in high regard, yet fail to recognise the value of family-integrity, and integral-parenting, and demonstrate a reluctance to be fully honest and accountable.
Starting from the day of their birth, we engage in the practice of conditioning and training children to align with our own comfort, conditioning, and self-centred tendencies. The conditioning process inculcates in children the belief that it represents greatness, sacrifice, and the essence of life. The sad truth is that their parents, unbeknownst to them, are inadvertently sabotaging their chances of flourishing as they grow older. Due to our self-centric focus, we have constructed our systems in a way that we do not consider organised cruelty inflicted upon children as cruelty. In addition, our approach to designing and defining psychology has been centred around self-centricity.
3.2 Are we truly honest, thoughtful, committed and loving to our children
Many of us tend to live their lives by imitating others, indulging in self-centricity, arrogance, and getting trapped in ingrained reflections of cavities. Even after our children are born, we have no intention of getting rid of these tendencies. Despite the negative impact on children's lives, we persist in prioritising our self-centricity and arrogance. Despite the growing cruelty within us, our ego blinds us to our true nature, making us believe that we are sensitive, rational, and always correct. Is our love for our children truly stronger than our tendencies towards self-centricity, negative conditioning, cavities, and ego? In the end, what is the ultimate outcome of engaging in behaviours, such as arrogance, discrimination, self-centricity, pretentiousness, and cruelty? Does our failure to have the courage to admit and rectify our serious mistakes, coupled with a mindset that discriminates and considers us superior, and an excessive display of arrogance, not impede diversity in parenting? Due to all these factors, are we not inadvertently shaping our children and the future society into robotic beings? It is interesting to observe that parents tend to react in a similar way to their children in similar incidents, almost using similar words, as if they are programmed to do so. While there may be a slight variance, the core essence remains virtually identical. Is this not a situation that is both dangerous and worrisome?
When a child is born, it is customary for family members, friends, and even ordinary acquaintances to express their admiration for the parents, commending them for being great parents. The fundamental question revolves around the extent to which they possess the knowledge and understanding required to be great parents, specifically in terms of their comprehension of the profound responsibilities, unwavering commitment, and resolute dedication that parenting entails. Have these individuals truly experienced the profound depths of parenting, forging an unwavering bond with their children through unwavering dedication? If that is not the truth, then what is the necessity for this kind of insincere and empty modesty? What is the underlying cause for our reluctance to embrace a life devoid of the need to mask our true identities due to superficiality and hollowness? Instead of pretending, why are we not truly interested in being as real as we pretend to be? What is the rationale behind our aversion to learning from the mistakes made by our parents? Furthermore, why do we neglect the valuable lessons that can be derived from the mistakes of our family members, friends, and those in our vicinity? Despite knowing that they are pretending, we observe them putting on a facade of happiness, yet we intentionally choose to believe in their lies, manipulations, self-centricity, and egos, and not just that, but we even aspire to be like them to find happiness within ourselves. The lack of reflection of their happiness in their life, actions, behaviours, thought-process, vision, and decisions raises the question of why we do not evaluate this through rational thinking. Because we are a very self-centric society, thus subconsciously for our comforts we start to train our children from the first moment. As parents, we begin the process of training our child to develop a sense of self-centricity, encouraging them to become more like us. Despite our observation that others are pretending, we are fully aware that they lack genuine happiness. Still, we consciously choose to conform to their falsehoods, as we have been taught and conditioned to associate happiness with these situations, deriving a sense of contentment from them. Is this what we define as being a great parent? Is this an example of thoughtful parenting? Even though it is invisible, does this not indulge in deeper cruelty? Why is it so difficult for us to eliminate our egos, self-centricity, inner cruelty, and violence, and ensure that we do not pass these negative traits onto our children? What makes it so difficult? To be genuine great parents, it is crucial that we put aside our self-centricity and egos, especially when it comes to our children.
There are those among us who make the decision to become parents due to the influence of our friends or siblings, even if we had previously been convinced that we did not desire to have children. Once we have children, we often find ourselves unsure of how to raise them, leading us to once again rely on imitating our friends. Given the pattern we observe of couples separating from their spouses after having children, we contemplate doing the same and separating from our spouses. Regardless of the vast contrast in the variables that shape their lives and ours, we persist in imitating them. In the process of becoming parents, it is a common tendency for us to overlook the significance of thoughtful child-rearing and the concepts of integral-parenting and family-integrity, and instead opt to imitate the behaviours of others. Despite this, we still maintain the belief that we rely on our own vision to make decisions, even though we are greatly lacking in the capacity for independent thinking, introspection, and objective analysis.
Our children learn from us, similar we learnt from our parents, even though many of us think that they did not learn from their parents and they are different, but if we introspect us sincerely we realise that subconsciously we are a copy of our parents, to protect us from these conditionings, we need to introspect our actions and decisions regularly and objectively. Many of us are subconsciously governed by ingrained conditioning and reflections. Why should we keep transferring these to our children if we truly love our children? Do we truly love our children, if we truly love them then why do we give priority to our ego and self-centricity, why can we not give them family-integrity with integral-parenting? why cannot we live with integrity and integrality, why do we use our lots of energy on negativity, lies and manipulation? Because we are trained like this by our parents, family and society, we are like this because of conditioning.
While many individuals love and feel at ease with their dogs, cats, and other pets, they do not experience the same level of comfort and affection with other people. Usually, these individuals are of self-centricity or a controlling mentality, which is why they behave this way. When it comes to pets, all we really need to do is provide them with food, a place to stay, a sense of security, and some opportunities for fun and mental stimulation, and in return, they will happily stay with us. Fun parenting or sincere parenting often leads many of us to do the same things with our children. When it comes to parenting, we prioritise our own ego and self-centricity, doing whatever we please. Due to our fear of sincere and deeper accountability, we resort to creating a multitude of fabrications and conforming to societal norms, among other things. Are we genuinely deserving of being seen as great parents?
3.3 Family and friends behave as a gang
Our obsession with self-centricity and arrogance leads us to disregard the significance of our children's lives as a priority. The fact that if we find ourselves in this particular mental and ideological state implies that we have been raised and influenced by people who share the same values since childhood. Moreover, the literature we have been exposed to tends to emphasise self-centricity or portray it in a positive light. Although because of our tendency towards superficiality, discriminative-mindset, and prejudice, we often convince ourselves that we possess knowledge and expertise in the fields of psychology and analysis; but our thoughts, mindset, and overall perspective remain predominantly self-centric.
Whether it is their family, friends, or society, the majority of individuals are not internally at peace and resolved in their own lives. Unfortunately, they do not possess a profound insight into life and parenting, choosing instead to prioritise their self-centricity. Due to the lack of profound self-awareness, individuals tend to gravitate towards destructive tendencies, self-centricity, and negativity of the ego, rather than embracing constructive and positive solutions. Because they never engage in sincere introspection, whatever actions they take in their life ultimately shape their perception of life.
Family and friends can be classified into various categories based on:
- The reason behind some people endorsing this behaviour without even realising it is because they possess a superficial mentality or are simply confused.
- Some people experience jealousy, leading them to desire that if they face negativity in their lives, others should suffer as well, thus they endorse.
- Some people, driven by their ego, find it difficult to admit their mistakes. Consequently, they resort to showcasing a life of apparent success, which, over time, starts to deceive them into believing that it is real. Because they constantly showcase their fake success, endorsing becomes a necessity for them.
- Despite being aware of the wrong being done, some people choose to endorse, believing that protesting could potentially spoil their relationships with the person.
Regardless of the category, the underlying question is about honesty and accountability. If sincerity and accountability are lacking, both friendships and familial bonds suffer and lose their true essence and purpose.
It is ironic that these individuals perceive this as the epitome of friendship and family. Although the presence of family and friends should ideally foster positive and constructive problem-solving, the lack of societal conditioning and a positive outlook hinders these individuals from realising the possibility of constructive and positive solutions. When an individual becomes blind because of their self-centricity, arrogance, and ingrained engulfed reflections of subconscious-cavities, and if their family and friends, who share the self-centric mentality, behave like a gang and endorse such behaviour, the person experiences a complete loss of rational and objective thinking. The person becomes completely convinced that the current course of action is flawless and cannot be improved upon in any way.
3.4 A few trivial examples of conditioning
- In the recent past, my seven-year-old son used to go and participate in soccer lessons. Even though I have been a part of the Australian community for over eighteen years, I have not been able to acquire the ability to mechanically express love. Therefore, after growing up, my son may perceive that I did not love him, despite the fact that I would have made substantial sacrifices for him. I was discussing the matter of my son's soccer lessons. On the school campus, there used to be a group of my son's classmates who would learn soccer together as part of his team. Apart from myself, all the fathers of these children were of Western origin, all of them had inbuilt wisdom and capability to successfully guide, adore, and inspire their kids. Among these fathers, there was one particular father who had a tendency to demonstrate an abundance of affection towards his child. The love shown by this father to his kid used to make me perceive myself as inferior.
There was a day when an unexpected incident occurred. On that particular day, the father experienced a delay of approximately ten to fifteen minutes in arriving at the school to pick up his child. The reason for this delay was that his car was involved in an accident on his way from the office. As a result of the physical shock, he began to experience pain in his back. Despite the circumstances, he decided to go home first, retrieve his bicycle, and then make his way to the school to meet his child. Due to having to wait for approximately ten to fifteen minutes, even though the child was under the supervision of his teachers and in a secure environment, he became fiercely angry with his father. The father explained that he had been involved in an accident, which resulted in his delay. Despite the accident that occurred to his father, the child remained steadfast in his anger and did not express any concern. Not only did he neglect to communicate with his father, but he also remained steadfast in exhibiting his anger. When reflecting on this particular incident, what struck me were the underlying seeds of self-centricity that I observed in the child, who was merely seven years old. Throughout their upbringing, children are subtly or explicitly encouraged to think primarily about themselves, contributing to a self-centric mindset. Rather than being concerned, we view it as positive for it to occur.
- Despite the fact that our society continues to experience numerous incidents of this nature, I would like to provide one as an illustrative example. The event took place at the house of a friend, and some individuals had gathered there. There was a person who had a strong and urgent need to use the toilet for a bowel movement. However, there was only one toilet available, and it was connected to the bathroom. Since it was the customary bathing time for the children, the parents instructed that person to wait until the children were finished before using the toilet. I was informed that this individual has a habit of taking longer than usual to complete the bowel movement. Although this argument may appear rational and genuine at first glance, such notions inadvertently encourage self-centricity and insensitivity in children. After the person had used the toilet, the children could have taken a bath. Even in terms of inconvenience, holding a bowel movement is significantly more burdensome compared to the inconvenience of waiting to take a bath. From these incidents, children unconsciously absorb the message that self-centricity takes precedence over everything else, resulting in potential insensitivity and cruelty as they grow older.
- A couple of years ago, I had an encounter with a woman who had recently become a mother to a newborn baby. According to her, when a woman becomes a mother, nature bestows upon her a divine power, enabling her to instinctively understand and fulfil her child's needs within a matter of days. In order to avoid causing unhappiness to that woman, I did not argue with her that this is not a divine force, but rather she has been conditioning her child since the moment of their birth. Because the child relies entirely on her for nutrition and all her needs, she must adapt herself in order to survive. It seems contradictory that she, as the feeder of her child, would not be able to recognise when and what her child wants, given that she conditions her child to adjust with her own convenience. The development of this type of subjective and prejudice conditioning occurs within the subconscious minds because of societal conditionings related to divinity.
To facilitate handling their children, a lot of parents prefer to keep them dependent on themselves. If we honestly and seriously reflect upon our behaviours since the birth of a child, we will come to the understanding that we are knowingly or unknowingly moulding and conditioning our children. The process of children growing up involves various milestones, including the development of language skills, and the acquisition of conditionings from external influences than parents like relatives, neighbours, classmates, and television programs. The fundamental aspect to consider is that if parents lack objectivity, rationality, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and life values in a true sense, then they cannot instil these qualities in their children. We train children to be self-centric. Rather than promoting a mindset of tolerance, we unknowingly foster a tendency for them to become upset, even over trivial matters. Our confidence in the correctness of our parenting methods stems from the observation of their prevalence in our surroundings, which blinds us to accept that we are making potential mistakes. In regards to parenting, we lack a deep and serious understanding of how it should be approached and failed to thoroughly contemplate this matter within ourselves. If our mindset is centred solely around ourselves, regardless of any facade we may put on, we tend to perceive our family as a burden, causing us to develop a sour attitude towards one another. Regrettably, we seem to lack the willingness to address and resolve these conflicts in a rational and truthful manner. The relationships of those who are sensible and have a deep understanding of complementarity and respect tend to flourish and become even more fulfilling once they have children.
3.5 Deeply entrenched abstruse discrimination in the life-companionship
No matter which society we are born into, we inevitably undergo a process of conditioning that instils discriminatory beliefs and behaviours. Despite the potential differences in outer appearances, it is possible that we may not consciously perceive ourselves as having a discriminatory mindset. However, deep within our subconscious, if we have not actively engaged in introspection and analytical thinking, we may have discriminatory tendencies. Discussing discrimination and hypocrisy is crucial because the majority of individuals carry deep-rooted conditionings in their subconscious. At the most fundamental level, our life values, attitude, decision-making factors, thoughtfulness, commitment, and analysis ability are all influenced. Our excessive arrogance leads us to perceive any form of opposition or criticism towards our discriminatory mindset as an affront to our self-worth. Our lack of serious and honest introspection prevents us from recognising the point at which our hypocrisy morphed into discrimination and when our discrimination transformed into cruelty. It is ironic that we often perceive ourselves as sensitive, rational, thoughtful, and humble individuals, yet we unknowingly reside in the arrogance of believing that everything we do is unquestionably right. Therefore, we firmly believe that we are not discriminatory in any way. If we genuinely commit ourselves to introspection, we come to the realisation that even if we are born in a developed and civilised society, possess a high level of education, and have established a reputation for being sensitive, rational, thoughtful, and honest individuals, our inner character can develop a discriminatory mindset.
The development and nurturing of the mindset of discrimination is not something that we necessarily do consciously. While it is true that there are some people who deliberately partake in this action, the proportion of such individuals is minuscule. Most of us are unaware that our mindset develops in the subconscious and unconsciously leads us to discriminate. Since our childhood, our subconscious minds have been quietly nurtured with a discriminative mentality through teachings from our family, relatives, friends, society, and various sources of literature. Our learning process has been happening unconsciously and invisibly, influenced by the conditioning we receive from our family and society. Without our awareness, the conditioning that has been ingrained in our subconscious is exerting an invisible control over us. Despite our belief that we don't possess a discriminatory mindset, but when certain incidents or situations occur, our subconscious takes over, influencing our decisions and behaviour unknowingly because of our lack of awareness of its deep-rooted nature. The irony lies in our perception that we think our actions of discrimination are not of discriminative mentality but are guided by careful deliberation, when in reality, it is our subconscious that motivates and controls us.
Differences in family background, differences in family assets, differences in religion, differences in caste, differences in traditions, being from societies considered comparatively developed, being from big cities, someone has studied in an expensive school, someone has eaten food in expensive restaurants, some have worn expensive clothes, some have travelled in cars, some have played expensive toys. Even how one eats, what one eats, how one sneezes, how one farts, how one burps, what language one speaks, forms the basis of discrimination. There are many types of grounds due to which discrimination remains established deep in our subconscious by the conditionings of our family or society. Although all these differences are subjective, comparative, not absolute but, our mindset becomes such in the subconscious that it finds any reason for discrimination. If deeply understood, the basis of almost all causes is property or power discrimination. Discrimination towards them, for whom we believe that they have less than us. The feeling of their discriminatory mentality is often interpreted by many as an expression of their generosity and humility, since they exhibit a certain level of concern.
While here the context is Indian society, this phenomenon is not exclusive to it; it occurs in numerous societies across the globe, albeit with varying appearances and structures. In Indian society, there are numerous incidents where girls from the Brahmin caste (regarded as the most superior caste), or girls from affluent households, deemed superior due to their wealth, or girls who hold superiority due to being the daughter of a bureaucrat or government official, are married to men from families with lower social backgrounds than their own. The reason behind these marriages could be either love or the arrangement made by parents, particularly when the boy possesses a highly desirable government job. Except for the exception, it happens in such marriages that no matter what the pretence may be, the actual feeling of the wife remains discriminative for his husband's family. When the husband's family background is considered weak, the wife does not hesitate to openly express discrimination towards his family. In fact, she takes it a step further and presents her mindset and behaviour as if she is justified in doing so. It is commonly believed that in the process of raising children; it is important to ensure that the husband's family and childhood friends have no impact on children. The importance of diversity in parenting is negligible. In order to create the conditioning for the children, it is crucial that it aligns with her discriminative mindset's definition of superiority. They desire to impose the same conditioning on the children, just as they have been conditioned. If the child reaches a point of maturation and develops a curiosity to challenge the conditioning received, they inevitably encounter emotional coercion, which serves to reinforce their existing conditioning even more firmly.
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The discrimination that poses the greatest harm to life-companionship and family is the one based on a sense of superiority. There are a significant number of individuals who perceive themselves as superior and choose to live in the realm of arrogance that comes with this superiority. Regardless of the decisions they make or the actions they take, these individuals have an unwavering belief that their choices are essential and must be carried out, and they never reconsider due to their arrogant conviction that they cannot make mistakes. While they consistently express remorse for being modest in minor situations, they never acknowledge their grave errors or make any effort to fix them. The presence of superiority and ego discrimination poses a significant threat to the values that make life meaningful.
An individual with a mind that is focused on superiority tends to constantly correct and exert control over their life partner. Although they make a show of humility in a pretentious and literal manner, their inner self is to be insensitive and cruel. The majority of married couples, whether their marriage was based on love or arranged, often have one partner with a mindset that discriminates against the other. In the majority of instances, individuals are unaware that they possess a discriminatory mindset due to the deeply ingrained conditioning in their subconscious. If the other half is informed that they hold a discriminatory mindset towards him/her, then rather than engaging in self-reflection, they interpret this protest as an insult to their self-esteem and as abuse.
Individuals who possess this particular mindset may have the ability to openly articulate their true intentions, but as a result of their internal bias towards superiority, they fail to acknowledge and value the active participation of their partner and family in the upbringing of their children. It is in the nature of these individuals to be against the idea of diverse parenting and they hold strong opposition towards it. Their opinion of their spouse and his family is that they are backward or inferior. As a result, they believe that their spouse's thoughts, comprehension, and other aspects are detrimental to their children. Consequently, they choose to completely sever the children's ties with the spouse's family or maintain only superficial connections. The way they perceive their spouse is as someone who plays a subordinate role in parenting, merely following their lead. When the spouse expresses opposition, their reaction to this opposition is typically quite negative. These individuals believe that their thoughts on raising children are always correct, even though a significant number of them struggle with negative conditioning within themselves. They strongly believe that their traditions and methods are superior and ideal for the proper nurturing and upbringing of children. Because of their personal conditioning, they have a strong inclination to influence their children's upbringing in accordance with their own perspectives. These individuals refuse to acknowledge the possibility that their partner might have a different perspective on parenting. The reason why these individuals are unable to appreciate the diversity of parenting is because their need for control prevents them from accepting anything that deviates from their desired outcome. One of the major obstacles in engaging in rational discussions with these individuals is their unwavering belief in their infallibility. In addition, they view their discrimination not only as a form of dedication but also as a reflection of their unwavering commitment. Because these individuals are driven by the belief that by correcting those they perceive as inferior, they are helping them become superior and similar to themselves. They have been putting in extensive effort and dedication over the years to improve their spouses. Therefore, they do not realise that they are discriminative, on the contrary, they consider themselves very dedicated and committed. As a result, they feel unappreciated by their spouse for their dedication to their partner and children. In contrast to the expected appreciation, if the spouses of these individuals point out their discriminatory mindset, these individuals interpret that as an insult to their devotion and self-esteem.
When we have a self-centric mindset and reside in the ego of superiority, we fail to recognise our own discriminatory tendencies. Despite our outward display of ostentatious and literal gestures, we perpetuate discrimination. Consequently, our ability to discriminate grows over time, while our ego remains oblivious to its own discriminatory tendencies. It fails to acknowledge the significance of being sensitive and thoughtful in reinforcing our convictions. If someone accuses us of discrimination, we interpret their protest as an insult to our self-esteem and an act of abuse towards us. As time passes, our mindset gradually becomes more inclined towards cruelty, often without us being aware of this shift. In the absence of introspection, cruelty grows exponentially, eventually morphing into a mindset that completely excludes the protester from our lives, leading us to not only rationalise our cruel behaviour but also take pride in it.
Chapter FOUR
Epilogue : a different path
The relationship between parents and their child is the unconditional, immense, profound, and extensive sacrifice, dedication, and commitment, as well as a shared journey through life experiences, all aimed at protecting the child from the negatives of life and also avoiding the transfer of any negative influences. Mothers and fathers are not just relatives who occasionally meet the children, exchange gifts, share meals, and display shallow and superficial affection, where values such as sacrifice, dedication, integrity, and accountability hold no true significance. Thoroughness, complementarity, and integrity are essential qualities that both the mother and father must possess in order to ensure family integrity and integral-parenting for the child.
Due to our self-centricity, lack of accountability, ego, and lust, we have greatly fabricated almost every aspect of life. Our efforts have been indulged in excesses towards glorifying self-centricity and making it the central point of life. To achieve this, we have resorted to fabricating various aspects of psychology, creating definitions, establishing conditioning, manipulating the structure and values of family and society, redefining the concept of parenting, and engaging in numerous other activities. Society appears to be caught in a race where individuals are vying to outshine each other in terms of their self-centricity, insensitivity, and capacity for cruelty. Mutual endorsement and appreciation are shared between us as we value each other for being like this.
Although it may be tempting and easy to prioritise self-centricity, sincere accountability can be challenging and stressful. However, those of us who believe in putting our children's lives before our own ego recognise that their children have their entire lives ahead of them, and it is our responsibility as parents to guide and support them since we are the ones who brought them into this world. We have been surviving our lives as it has been, and we will survive whatever is left. Our ability to endure and overcome the obstacles life throws at us has been proven, and we remain steadfast in our determination to persevere through whatever is yet to come. Should our children's lives be burdened with the same haunting experiences as ours, or should we feel a profound sense of accountability towards our children?
Why do we not prioritise training our children with positivity over negativity? What prevents us from offering our children a truly all-encompassing love? How can we prioritise our self-centricity and ego above their lives? What prevents us from living life wisely, free from pretence, hypocrisy, and discrimination? If we happily fabricate multiple falsehoods to serve our self-centricity and arrogance, if we possess the ability to manipulate and cultivate negative energy, if we choose to dwell in the realm of hatred and nurture cruelty within ourselves, if we can squander copious amounts of energy on all these negatives, then why can we not allocate a mere fraction of that energy towards liberating ourselves from the grip of ingrained cavities and subconscious conditioning?
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Where pregnancy arises from rape, consensual casual encounters, acts driven by lust, deceitful actions, or thoughtless behaviour, these circumstances need to be considered differently. On the contrary, if parents, who have shared a life-companionship for many years while embracing each other's flaws, and they have not lived their life based on lust, greed, and selfishness. But, after the children are born, various issues arise within the relationship, stemming from deep-seated reflections of prejudice, discrimination, or arrogance, despite the fact that neither party is indifferent or insensitive towards the child. Either one of them makes the decision to separate from the other. When faced with such situations, if genuine and dedicated efforts are not put forth to acknowledge errors, make amends, offer apologies, and seek forgiveness, what often takes precedence is self-centricity and arrogance. The implication here is that prioritising egoism, self-centricity, and negative conditioning takes precedence over the well-being of the child.
If we prioritise our own self-centricity and ego over the family-integrity and integral-parenting for our own children, and if we lack seriousness and commitment to halting the transfer of cavities and conditioning from one generation to the next. If we choose not to embrace core life principles such as acknowledging grave errors, making amends, offering apologies, and granting forgiveness, we are merely seeking to engage in shallow facades of moral conduct. When faced with such circumstances, efforts should be made to decrease the likelihood of cavities occurring in children. If a parent, be it the mother or father, feels an immense sense of deeper accountability towards their children and has exhausted all possible means of finding a solution but to no avail, they may choose to adopt a resolution where they are practically considered dead in their children's eyes for the rest of their lives. There has been a significant amount of effort put into fostering self-centricity and arrogance. Thus, some of us have to make much deeper sacrifices to counter self-centricity and arrogance to protect our children, a bitter reality of life. We have to make a much deeper sacrifice to protect our children from cavities of the subconscious. For the sake of deep accountability towards children, we should remain virtually dead in the eyes of our children.
If parents, who have been living together for many years, either of them is unwilling to adapt after the birth of a child, and shows a lack of desire for family-integrity and integral-parenting, instead of solving issues with sincerity, prioritises ego and self-centricity; ultimately choosing separation under the guise of flimsy excuses. There are two potential outcomes in this situation regarding where the child will live. The first possibility is that the child will split their time equally between both parents, residing separately with each parent for an equal amount of time. The second possibility is that the child will primarily live with one parent and have occasional visits with the other parent, which could occur on a weekly, monthly, or yearly basis. The child experiences emotional, mental, and ideological shock in both scenarios of a split family, resulting in the formation of cavities in their subconscious with regards to family life and values. Furthermore, when a child lives with only one parent and has occasional encounters with the other parent, there is a lack of emotional connection between the child and this parent. This results in the child perceiving this parent as a distant relative or even a stranger, or a parent solely based on biological terms. In such circumstances, the parent-child relationship cannot develop truly and genuinely, and the most crucial aspect of sharing life experiences and building a life together is absent. The existence of such situations has the potential to implant misconceptions about life deep within the subconscious of children, leading to the development of cavities in their understanding, the fostering of a negative and cruel mindset, and the growth of superficiality, hollowness, and pretence.
Hence, it is in the best interest of the child to live permanently with only one parent and having no contact with the other. The other parent should sever all contact with the child for a lifetime. A lot of us will have questions about the property of this parent. Without a doubt, if a parent is prepared to make sacrifices and live with the profound and lasting pain that it entails for the sake of their child, the property will unquestionably be inherited by the child. In order to ensure that the child does not retain any memories of the parent, the parent should gradually distance themselves from the child without the child's knowledge. This way, the child can move on with their life and perceive the other parent as deceased. Being accountable in a deeper sense, we will refrain from actively involving ourselves in the formation of cavities in the child's subconscious. Moreover, it is important that even in the unfortunate circumstance of virtual death of this parent, they would be always deeply remembered as a real mother or father in the child's deeper memories, rather than simply a relative or a stranger or a biological parent, particularly if they have shared early childhood experiences as a family. When we lack the courage to embrace life values and family values, we prioritise self-centricity, ego, and negative conditioning. There is absolutely no reason to manipulate family values and impart negative concepts of life to a child through distortion. Consequently, if because of any parent, if parents cannot give family-integrity and integral-parenting and they separate, then either parent should view themselves solely as a sperm donor or surrogate mother.
If either parent makes such a profound sacrifice, their life will be burdened with unending, unimaginable pain until the day they pass away. However, in a society where individuals prioritise their desires, self-centricity, ego, material possessions, and societal norms over the well-being of their own children, it becomes necessary for certain individuals within that society to endure profound emotional anguish on behalf of their offspring. Without hope, human society is bound to stagnate, as even the tiniest sliver of hope is crucial for fostering positivity and moving forward. How can parents, who have lived a significant portion of their lives, prioritise their ego and self-centricity over the well-being of their children, who have not yet had the chance to fully embark on their own life journeys? The individuals who exhibit such traits of being mentally, emotionally, ideologically ill, and highly self-centric are those for whom their arrogance, self-centricity, cavities, and conditioning have priority over the lives of their children. The parent, the one who will make these types of sacrifices for the child, it is highly probable that, will be hated by the child, because the child's perspective and knowledge will be primarily influenced by the parent and surroundings they live with.
For the remaining years of our lives, why should we allow our ego and self-centricity to haunt our children's lives? Where we are unable to provide comprehensive love, integral-parenting and family-integrity to our children, our duty should be to keep them away from harmful elements like split-parenting. The act of raising children is not only the biggest responsibility but also the most important and most thoughtful responsibility that human beings undertake, as it involves the development of individuals at their innermost level. Orphanages provide children with essential needs, such as food, clothes, shelter, and even gifts. Even children who grow up in an orphanage have the opportunity to achieve high degrees, secure well-paying jobs, and enjoy the same materialistic facilities as their mainstream counterparts. In this manner, if the true measure of parental accountability lies in the provision of essential needs like food, clothing, shelter, gifts, and similar things, then what significance do parents and family hold for their children? Whether to continue the cycle of cursing our children from generation to generation or to put an end to it rests solely on us.
Author: Vivek
This article is one piece of a series of interconnected articles. Besides this existing article, three more articles will soon be published on topics that are related,
— Do mentally challenged children have the potential to save the earth?
— Psychology : Self-centric and Shallow
— Discrimination and Hypocrisy